Does Anyone Have A Dance Hall Girl Outfit I Can Borrow?

The season of big meals and long naps are finally upon us. The King and I are leaving next week to travel north unto the snow and icy encrusted tundra for to bringeth his life’s possessions unto our kingdom. Yeah, we’re driving the gas-guzzling SUV to his former homestead and bringing the rest of his belongs down to Florida. Or should I have said “all” of his belongings considering he arrive with a suitcase, two small duffle bags, and his laptops. He has a house in Ohio out in the country…..no really, it’s in rural farm country…..but we both feel that any “big ticket” items should not be stored out there for numerous reasons. Therefore, we are renting a big trailer to hitch the behemoth “Gawain” (that’s what I named my Expedition) in order to fill it with The King’s bountiful property and transport it back home. Or what he is now calling home until he decides he can’t take the tedious life here in our small southern town and runs kicking and screaming back to Ohio.

So I bet you guys are asking what kind of “big ticket” items does The King have in Ohio that we don’t want to store in an empty house. Well, as almost all of his antique furnishings were lost in a flood, he is left with the following:

An extensive movie collection (to add to my extensive movie collection which I am very excited about)

An extensive music collection

The rest of his clothing

A desk

A chair

A pool table

Two video arcade games

Lots of Christmas decorations

Now I know this doesn’t sound like a lot but here we have The Queen’s dilemma. I have lived in the same house for roughly eighteen years. I have brought with me, added, taken in, adopted, whatever you want to call it……enough shit to fill two houses and a barn. We live in Florida where the houses do not have basements and rarely have an attic. I have neither. Here is my house:

I am not an architect, interior designer, or decorator so the picture above is the best I can do under those futile circumstances. What I wanted you to notice, however, is that I HAVE NO ROOM!!!!! I have no room for “big ticket” items. So here’s the problem: I need assistance in figuring out where the hell to put a game room. You guys have probably guessed that each room has more than enough furniture (ignore the picture it's not perfectly accurate; there’s plenty in each of the rooms.) If I turn the Florida room into a game room where in the house is it quiet enough for an office and a fold-out couch should we have over-night visitors? The back porch is not closed-in so I don’t want furniture or electrical items out in the humidity or I’ll get electrocuted as I drink my morning coffee and I really do like my straight hair. That weird rectangle to the left of what is suppose to be the bed in the master bedroom is actually a closet so that won’t work. UUGH!

I know we’ll figure it out and it’s important that The King have his own personal space so that he feels at home but…….do you understand where I’m coming from? He’s such a wonderful guy and I want him to feel at home but the only thing I can think of is turning the pool table into a dining room table when not in use and I’m just not really cool with that unless I were able to hang a flashing Budweiser sign from the dining room ceiling. DAMN, I should have bought that one I saw at a garage sale a couple of weeks ago.

Yea, the first thing you see when you walk into the house is the pool hall. Who needs a dining room – we eat in the kitchen! I already have a piano in there for musical entertainment and the party ball may be gone but I have a refillable keg in the garage. Whatcha think? Pool room in the middle of the house? Feel free to make a suggestion or two if you want; I will gladly take any and all under consideration at this point.

Come ON Fay, Get A Move On Already……….

This blog post was written early Saturday morning on my laptop with very little battery juice. The power was knocked out at my house in the middle of the night Friday and it has yet to be restored. A tree fell on the line that leads to my house and blew a hole in the meter joint. (Pictures to be downloaded tonight.) I had an electrician come by yesterday late afternoon to tell me there was nothing he could do until this morning. But that wasn’t the bad news. Due to the age of my home, none of the wiring is up to code. So….my mom is having knee replacement surgery tomorrow morning and will be in extended care for a week to ten days. The spawn and I will be crashing at her place until the wiring is done at our house.

Fay……you’re a bitch!

So this is what I woke up to this morning.



But weirder still, half of my house has electricity and half of my house does not. I had electricity throughout the house when I woke up this morning a little before 7:00. But as I sat here downloading pictures to share with you guys, the lights flickered, I heard a that well know BOOM of a breaker box blowing up in the distance and BAM, no electricity for the master bath, bedroom, and half of my kitchen. Half of my kitchen??? What the hell is up with that? At least the half of the kitchen that has electricity is the half that my coffee pot and TV are on.

So now I sit and wait for Mr. Electricity Man to show up at my house and cut the tree away from the line so that he can reattach the wires to the house. I’m thinking maybe Mr. Man should hurry as branches are falling from the trees into my yard and crashing onto the roof. It’s kinda freaking me out a tad.

Hope he’s hot; maybe I’ll tell him he has a nice ass if he is.



Pulling the night shift tonight and tomorrow night so I still won’t be around much. You’d think people that live in Florida would prepare themselves for hurricane season. THIS IS FLORIDA PEOPLE – DO YOUR HOMEWORK BEFORE MOVING DOWN HERE!