Missed Me, Missed Me, Now Ya Gotta Kiss Me!

So I bet the past two weeks with no word from the Marnster has driven all of my regular readers away in disgust. Bitch ain’t got’s the time fer us we outta here. Well let’s see, things to get you guys caught up on:

· Workin’ the Storms

· Judy-Judy with the Bubblegum Bootie’s Surgery

· Sister Sister in Town to Cover My Ass

· Reconciliation With My Man

· Spawn’s Football

· Insurance Coverage for Teenage Boy

· I Love Football

Okay, that about covers the first ten days since I was last here; get the picture of how hectic my life was sans the football? Because come on, everyone has to have a vise or thirteen.

Workin’ the Storms

It sucked. I worked anywhere from twelve to fifteen hours a day. And remember, State Emergency Response covers the entire State of Florida. They get a thunderstorm over Key West and yes, it’s us to the rescue. And can you say it’s been Africa Hot? She’s been spittin’ out storms like a toothless old man with over active mucous membranes standing on the front porch hockin’ loogies at the neighborhood hoodlums. We also offer assistance to neighboring states should they be impacted as well. Guess what? Next big storm they’re gonna deploy me to a staging area instead of “The War Room”. Okay, so that would be cool; I’m not complaining about that.

Judy-Judy with the Bubblegum Bootie’s Surgery

Yes folks, I got pictures. If my mother sees this she will be SOOOOO pissed but then again, she has no internet and the only people I can think of that would tell her I posted a post-op picture of her in all of her glory would be my brother or my sister.

(Judy-Judy doing her impersonation of a morphine addict as my brother, Finnie, provides her with a chaser of vodka. Okay, okay, she'd just awakened from surgery and was thirsty. Note the snicker on my brother's face? Yeah, he spilled a bit of water onto Judy-Judy's boobies but she was still doped up so we didn't tell her.)

Judy-Judy’s surgery went well. She’s up and hobbling around with just a cane. However, for those of you that have never been a caregiver of any kind whatsoever, it’s a tough job. My mom wasn’t even sick and she drove me nuts. She’s lucky I love her as much as I do….and I love her BUNCHES…..but washing her hair for her while she was unable to take a shower proved that Shampoo Girl is not an optional career choice for me should I ever decide to get a new job. I soaked myself, my mother, and her friend Pat The Telephone Junkie in three minutes flat. Thank goodness she finally got her stitches out and can bathe herself.

I won’t tell you about her sponge bath; it even scared me.

Sister-Sister in Town to Cover My Ass

My sister arrived Monday night of this week to take over the care of my mother.

I. Love. My. Sister.



(Remarkable how much she resembles Angelina Jolie, isn’t it?)

Reconciliation With My Man

Way back in June, King Dork and I had a bit of a tiff and after three years of long distance relationship struggles, he called it quits. Nine hundred miles DOES tend to put a strain on a romantic relationship and no being able to see each other as often as we liked, irrational insecurities on both sides attacked our over-active imaginations and BAM…..disaster struck.

BUT, I really, really missed my snuggie-wugg’ms.

I caved.

I contacted him, told him I missed him, he missed me too, we talked about what goobers we both were and SHAZZAM….he showed up at my door for Labor Day weekend. Next week we’re meeting in Denver for the WVU/Colorado game. YEA!!!! Sex, football, beer, and no kids. Can you say “YESSSSSS”?

I’m so glad I called this big, bald, tattooed, lovable guy…..



....besides, he’s a Steelers fan so I have to keep him.

Spawn’s Football

Friday August 29th was my son’s first football game of the season. He is the starting left guard and guess what!

Hold on a minute, I’m a bit emotional and my eyes are tearing up; I can’t see to type.

Okay, thanks for being patient with my sentimental ass.

Spawn received his very first personal foul.

I KNOW!!!! He makes a mother proud. A kid from the opposing team said something derogatory so Spawn lifted him up by the front of his jersey and threw him to the ground. I’m in the stands hold up this sign:



I jump up yelling into the face of the guy sitting next to me DID YOU SEE THAT?!?!? THAT’S MY BOY!!! (Pointing proudly at my offspring)

Then I remembered he plays for a Christian school so I quickly sat back down.

I’d like to think the kid said something ugly about me so Spawn felt the need to kick his ass. He neither confirmed nor denied so leave me with my dream, will ya?

Insurance Coverage for Teenaged Spawn

Speaking of Spawn, I contacted my insurance guy to see how much my insurance would increase by allowing Spawn to finally get his regular driver’s license.

I would increase by 400%.

Spawn’s not getting his license any time soon.

I Love Football

Did anyone else cry at the beginning of football season because they were so glad to see it again? None of my family has ESPN because they’re all a bunch of cheap bastards so party at my house on any given game day.

I am a football whore. I really don’t have much to report on here and don’t ask me to recite stats or tell you where any given player is from (that’s Spawn’s job), just leave me alone if there’s a game on TV because I. Love. Football.

Just remember….if you’re coming over to watch a game, bring beer.


There you have it folks, a busy time was had by all. Sister Sister goes home on Sunday, I leave for Denver on Wednesday BUT I will do my best to come a visit all of my long lost friends this weekend and get caught up.

And by the way, I missed you guys, too!

I Got Gas

Thank goodness a friend called and warned me gas prices were hitting the roof; as I stood in line to pay, the lady behind the countered answer the ringing phone and screamed $5.49?!?!?!

Yup, go fill up now if you're low because the lines are long and once a station runs out and is required to get a new shipment, the price could go up as high as $6.00 a gallon.

Ike......you're a dick!

Come ON Fay, Get A Move On Already……….

This blog post was written early Saturday morning on my laptop with very little battery juice. The power was knocked out at my house in the middle of the night Friday and it has yet to be restored. A tree fell on the line that leads to my house and blew a hole in the meter joint. (Pictures to be downloaded tonight.) I had an electrician come by yesterday late afternoon to tell me there was nothing he could do until this morning. But that wasn’t the bad news. Due to the age of my home, none of the wiring is up to code. So….my mom is having knee replacement surgery tomorrow morning and will be in extended care for a week to ten days. The spawn and I will be crashing at her place until the wiring is done at our house.

Fay……you’re a bitch!

So this is what I woke up to this morning.



But weirder still, half of my house has electricity and half of my house does not. I had electricity throughout the house when I woke up this morning a little before 7:00. But as I sat here downloading pictures to share with you guys, the lights flickered, I heard a that well know BOOM of a breaker box blowing up in the distance and BAM, no electricity for the master bath, bedroom, and half of my kitchen. Half of my kitchen??? What the hell is up with that? At least the half of the kitchen that has electricity is the half that my coffee pot and TV are on.

So now I sit and wait for Mr. Electricity Man to show up at my house and cut the tree away from the line so that he can reattach the wires to the house. I’m thinking maybe Mr. Man should hurry as branches are falling from the trees into my yard and crashing onto the roof. It’s kinda freaking me out a tad.

Hope he’s hot; maybe I’ll tell him he has a nice ass if he is.



Pulling the night shift tonight and tomorrow night so I still won’t be around much. You’d think people that live in Florida would prepare themselves for hurricane season. THIS IS FLORIDA PEOPLE – DO YOUR HOMEWORK BEFORE MOVING DOWN HERE!

Tropical Storm Update

If you read yesterday's post you're one of thirteen that know I was activated last night and on the job by 06:00 this morning. Activated for what? Good question as we were asking the same thing.

There was worry of a hurricane hitting The Keys and heading straight up the state of Florida. Monroe County (where The Keys are) had some evacuations, shelters were assembled for those that had nowhere else to go, and logistic staging areas were set up to assist in getting things where they needed to be (water, ice, meds, oxygen, etc.) Too bad they didn't ship me out to one of the LSA's as that's where the military guys are. HOOYAH!

So as I had meteorizationalized yesterday, we didn't have a hurricane, we had a thunderstorm. Yes the weather is still bad over the lower-half of the state but the peninsula called Florida is not going to fall into the depths of the Atlantic or the Gulf of Mexico. We may have a flood or two but no one will be washed away never to be heard from again....we hope.

I know one or two of you are wondering what exactly it is I do. Well, to put it in layman’s terms I sit in a big room, receive missions that have been assigned to our group (which is responsible for “health stuff” i.e. water, ice, oxygen, portable toilets, sanitation stations, special needs shelters for displaced hospitals, etc.) telling us who needs what, when, where, and why. I then get on the horn, order “stuff”, and finally make sure the “stuff” gets delivered.

Look, there’s me helping to supervise the minions:

Wow, how exciting is that, folks??? BUT, I can also have the ability to tell my family and friends where it’s safe to be in the event of a disaster, how to get there via roads that have not been closed, and where to go in the event of an evacuation. Yeah, that’s kinda cool.

So it boils down to no deployment for me this storm; I’ll be staying right here in good old Tallahassee. Tomorrow will be another twelve hour day BUT I’ll be saving all the old people and telling them where to go.

And in my own special way, too.

I'll be catching up with all of my blogging friends as soon as I'm back to normal hours. Stay safe!

Where Are The Fairies And Elves When I Need Them?

fay (f ) - noun - fairy or an elf. [Middle English faie, enchanted person or place, from Old French fae.]

I the world of Webster’s, “fay” may mean fairy or elf but not in the world of Marnie. Nope, today this is Fay:

(The Weather Channel)

This graphic shows the projected path of tropical storm-force wind speeds from Fay over the next 72 hours. (NOAA)

I have been activated as of 10:00 this morning. A tropical storm warning with the potential landfall of a cat 1 or even a cat 2 storm validated the Governor issuing a State of Emergency which means that I, as a logistics supervisor, have been called upon to assist the people of the State of Florida in preparation of a possible disaster. Now remember, it doesn’t take much for an excess of damage to take place; in 2005, Wilma broke records when she strengthen from a 70-mph tropical storm to a 170-mph category 5 hurricane in just twenty-four hours.

(NOAA)

Now what, you ask, do I see in my future for this activation as far as disaster relief and such? I see a really big thunder storm hitting the keys and heading up the west coast of Florida. I see a bunch of guys just WAITING for a storm to hit so that they can go forth and “save the world”. I see more time away from my kids and less time spent at home. I see some storm surge and a bit of flooding but nothing that will bring people’s every day lives to a screeching halt.

But then again I’m not a meteorologist; I just play one in my mind.

Don’t know how long I’m going to be gone but I am to in at 17:00 hrs and start preparing for the worst.

Stay safe, stay cool, stay tuned.