JEEZ-MO-NINNIES…What Begins With “J”?

I was tagged!!

Okay, not really, I actually volunteered for this because believe it or not I’ve been having brain-farts lately and having difficulties coming up with shit to write about. Because basically that’s what I write about; life’s big, bowl-filling dumps.

Giggle Pixie previously known as

posted her list of ten things she likes that began with the letter “G”. She indicated that anyone interested could let her know and she would assign a letter.

I volunteered – which I’ve been doing a lot lately. What’s wrong with me? I’ve volunteered for this, I’ve volunteered to help this weekend with the Extreme Make-Over here in town (and not because Ty looks good in jeans, either), I volunteered to work the concession stand at my daughter’s softball games AND I volunteered to work the Special Olympics next month.

LIKE I DON’T HAVE ENOUGH SHIT ON MY PLATE ALREADY?!?!?!

I digress….as usual.

So I left a little note for G.P. telling her I would love to join in the fun and she assigns me the letter “J”.

“J”????

“J” sucks! Besides, Cowguy just did “J” and he stole all the good “J” stuff!

But I promised G.P. so I gave this whole letter thing a shot. It took all morning with my office door shut to come up with this list so I hope ya’ll appreciate it. AND…..in true Cowguy style I’ve included a picture to enhance my list of crap.

Queen Goob's List Of Ten Things She Likes That Begin With The Letter "J"......

1. JAVA
I – LOVE – COFFEE!!!! I love the smell of freshly ground beans, I love the sound of the gurgling pot indicating the coffee is almost done brewing, I love the first sip of the morning, the sip that closes your eyes in ecstasy regardless of the fact it’s only a Tuesday morning and not the weekend. I – LOVE – COFFEE.

2. Jokes
Jokes are awesome. I love things that make me laugh especially when you’re enjoying a beer with a friend just hangin’ out on the back porch and bantering back and forth to see who has the best blonde joke even though the both of you are truly and legally blonde.

3. Juvenile Delinquents
I love things that make me laugh…..wait that was my previous item. Or was it? Juvies are idiots and idiots are fun to make fun of and making fun of stupid people makes me laugh. YUP, I love juvies.

4. Jewelry
Ladies, need I say more?

5. Jamoca Ice Cream Served with Cookie Wafers
I needed to take a moment for myself when I thought of this one. Do you guys have Baskins Robbins Ice Cream? Is it a national company or is it just on the East Coast? If you don’t have it someone should be shot for not sharing. Available since 1956, Jamoca is a specially blended coffee ice cream. Even better is when you have a scoop of chocolate to enhance the Java-ee flavor.

6. Jury Duty
No, I’m not crazy, I really want to serve on a jury but see here’s the thing. Most of my college education is in Law Enforcement with a specialty in Crime Scene Investigation (strike one) that and the fact that many of my instructors are old school, good old boys here in my great southern town (strike two) and a number of friends are within the law enforcement community (strike three) I’ve been called to jury duty but never been chosen to serve.

Bastards!

7. Junk Food

Honey, if I could bathe in Cheezie Poofs, I would.

8. Jumpin' Jehosaphat
Not only is this a great word to randomly yell out while perusing the junk food aisle at Wal-Mart at 2;30 in the morning, but this is the first word that flies from my lips every time I see Dwayne Johnson.

JOHNSON……ANOTHER “J”! YAY ME!!!

9. Jeans
They do a body good. Jeans are my favorite piece of clothing AND they make rock hard abs and a tight tush look – well, look H-O-T HOT! Throw a little Jamoca on that and I could eat for a week.

10. Jaguars
The 1963 Jaguar E-Type Convertible in British Racing Green OR the 1959 Jaguar XK150 Roadster in Black. Ya’ll can have your Italian sports cars, I’ll stick with the Brits. Just look at those lines, girls. A figure one can be proud of. I know I wouldn’t complain about my vastly budding and expanding ass if it was sitting in one of those!

So there you have my list of thing I enjoy that begin with the letter “J”. Jesus would have been right up there but that was one Cowguy stole along with a MOST fabulous picture that I knew I couldn’t top. I’m not taggin anyone but if you’ve run outta stuff to blog about the same way I have, drop a note in your comment and I’ll ass-ign a letter to ya. Hey G.P., is there a certain rule I need to follow if anyone actually asks to do this?

Jeez-mo-ninnies!

Bee’s Bizarre/Weird WTF-Was-I-Thinking Picture Day

Bee over at Bee’s Musings had a fun little activity she invited her readers to join in on. Post a photo you took that you wanted to blog about but never did.

HA!!!

First I would like to share with you just how many photos I have in my picture folder:

Click on the picture if you can’t read the small writing. Yes folks, I have 19,697 files to chose from. WHAT?!?!? Yea, I usually have two to three cameras in my purse on any given day SO this makes for a more difficult activity than I’m thinking Bee was planning.

How to choose what picture from so many…..I have a photo blog that I used to post pictures on on a regular basis but as not many people were visiting I stopped posting so often. Do I post a funny picture? A pretty one? A nature photo? One of my kids? Obviously the list goes on and on and on and…well, you get “the picture.”

So in an effort to keep this current post as short as possible I initially narrowed it down to fifteen. As I’m sure you don’t want to see all of those photos, I had to take a moment, drink a cup of coffee and narrow it down again. Below are photos I took – may have even posted on the photo blog – but never wrote anything about them:

This one was taken of “Polamalu Roethlisberger.” That’s not her real name BUT as I was her mother’s birthing partner and she was due Superbowl Sunday three years ago, the name kinda stuck. Aren’t kids great? This is a perfect shot of how funny they think they are which in turns ALWAYS makes the grown-ups laugh. But alas, this picture’s not weird or strange enough so I had to search some more.

Kids….so they’re not always funny. These are a couple of shots I took of my kids for my Crime Scene Photography class a few years ago. This was a fun activity for all three of us; I got to pretend I was killing off my kids and they got to pose as dead people. This is also a great way to live the fantasy of “offing” your kids when they become teenagers and smart mouth you when all you asked them to do was take out the garbage. My professor had kids; I got an “A” in his class.

Since most of the photos I keep are kinda “artsy”, I dug around until I found one that was a bit more spontaneous than the others. I love my dog. I’m usually the only one in the family that feeds him, bathes him, brushes him, the works. This one was taken in an effort to remind my kids to make sure he has fresh water every morning before they leave for school. I printed it out and hung it for them to see and remind them how to fill his water bowl because he likes it fresh and cold.

Here we have a picture of my cell phone next to a hamburger. Why??? I think it was to illustrate just how big this friggin’ hamburger is. But really, who gives a crap about how big my lunch was? Do I really want all of you to see what a total and complete pig I am? Why not include the French fries and gravy off to the side that I know was sitting there as well. Yes people, dip your fries in a white gravy and you’ll SMACK your momma it’s so good!

Ya’ll know I live in the south but come on, what did I think I was gonna do, have this picture as my desktop? EEWWWWW! This is a close up of pig’s feet. “Ya’ll wunt sum?”

Why did I take a close up picture of pig’s feet? Well, I most likely wanted to illustrate what my brother was head down, face first in here:

He came in second place at the annual Redneck Games ONLY because his bucket sprung a leak and they wouldn't disqualify the first place winner for not having enough teeth.

Well folks, there you have it. I know they weren’t as funny as Bee’s BUT I promise to take some more in the hopes she does this again real soon. Heck, I could do this for the next (hold on let me grab my calculator…..) I could do this for the next 54+ years and not run out of pictures!

Can’t wait to see yours!

Queen Goob Needs......

I know - you're waiting for stories from my vacation because I was gone so long; still drafting them out so please be patient.

While on vacation I was tagged by Random Chick with a meme. The rules are simple: Google "Your name needs" and describe the first ten results. (I didn’t include anything that referenced my blog or comments made on someone else’s blog where I signed my name as this would have really limited the results – it referenced the following blogs: mine more than once, Random Chick, whatigotsofar, catscratchdiva, and memarielane. Considering I only got about 5,600 total links in my search, this wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be.)

Just about anything you want – for FREE! Lots of stuff if you’re wanting to become a drag queen.

A memo on safety first at work from Diagnostic Laboratories Services, Inc. Crap, they found out about my HAZMAT suit, didn’t they?

A review of the Grateful Dead concert that took place at the Laguna Seca Raceway in Monterey California in July of 1988. Did you know that a couple of Deadheads camped out on the grounds of a U.S. Army rifle range resulting in the Dead being banned from playing there ever again? Me neither! Go figure!

Lyrics to the songs from the Magical Mystery Tour album first released in 1967. Too bad I’m not a Beatles fan…..not even a little, tiny bit.

An “unofficial” DisneyWiki site referencing Michael Yagoobina, AKA, the Bowler Hat Guy from the feature film Meet The Robinsons. Meet the Robinsons is a computer-animated film and the 46th animated feature produced by Walt Disney Pictures. It is based on the children's book, A Day with Wilbur Robinson by William Joyce. Okee-dokee, then.

This is my personal favorite…a review of Elizabeth LaPrelle’s music from her Rain and Snow album. It seems “Elizabeth sounds like she descended straight from the Blue Ridge circa 1920.” Gosh, and I don’t yet have that CD in my collection; gonna run right out and buy THAT one cause Lord knows I love me some banjo pickin’ mountain music!

Take a moment and listen to Elizabeth’s song “Darlin’ Corey”

The “bebo” profile of a nineteen year old girl from Dublin who was recently accepted into NCAD! You go Abigail! (NCAD is the The National Collegeof Art & Design located in Dublin.)

Guardian’s Ancient Egypt Discussion Board in which someone is in dire need of pictures of Hatshepsut. Who was Hatshepsut? Well, she was the chief queen of Tuthmosis II, who declared herself King of Egypt. That bitch!

It seems the NHRA may not be returning to E-Town in 2009 due to the death of racer Scott Kalitta who died from injuries suffered during a qualifying accident and there are some pissed off people discussing it.

And finally – an article about a curvaceous Miss Surrey hopeful of her outcome in the Miss England competition that took place in July. Hold on, let me see who won….nope, but she placed second.

Thanks RC, that was a hoot. I'm not officially tagging anyone but if you need to steal something on one of those days you just don't have a thing to bitch about, this was a fun.

Don't Worry, I Won't Tag You

Through my perusing of the blogisphere, I ran across a meme that’s making the rounds. I first had to figure out what the hell a meme was. I’d been meme’d not too long ago and consider myself a well read person but I had no idea whatsoever what the frick ‘n frack a damn meme was. Thanks to Wikipedia I am now an informed individual.

This is a book meme I’m sure each and every one of you has already run scared from. Don’t worry, I’m not tagging anyone. Anywho, as I am an avid reader and read each and every day (except for those rare occasions I’m too sloshed to hold a book in my hand, let alone read) this one struck my fancy. The rules are simple:

Rules:

Pick up the nearest book.

Turn to page 123.

Find the 5th sentence.

Copy down the next three sentences..

I am currently reading three books so this will give you a little bit of everything:

Necroscope by Brian Lumley. (I was visiting Book-A-Million this past weekend to pick up a few reads to wile away the evenings while the spawn are out of town. Having recently been dumped by my man, I informed the young gentleman at the information desk I was in the mood for a read with a little “bloodfest” maybe “a slaughter or two”. He recommended this series of books of which I purchased the first three of fourteen.)

At the top he paused to draw breath, sat down for a moment swatting at midges in the pale beams of sunlight lancing down through tall, dark pines, then dragged the box along the crest of the ridge to a place where he could see a track running clear to the bottom. In some forgotten yesteryear, a fire-break had been cut here before the lumbermen had remembered or been told about the nature of the place; since then saplings had sprung up once more to almost but not quite obscure the scar. Now that scar was to become the track of Boris’s daredevil ride.

Heaven, Texas by Susan Elizabeth Phillips (Come on guys, be nice, I’m in need of a little romance in my life!)

One of the makeup artists approached him and began to spray his chest from a plastic bottle so that his muscles glistened with oil. He glanced down at himself. Even from a distance, she could see that he looked befuddled, and she couldn’t help smiling as she observed his reaction to what he certainly saw as unnecessary adornment.

And Twilight by Stephenie Meyer (Hey, I’m reading it to make sure it’s appropriate for my teenaged daughter! FINE! I’m just reading it for the fun of it.)

...after I get my license," he amended."Who was that other boy Lauren was talking to? He seemed a little old to be hanging out with us." I purposefully lumped myself in with the youngsters, trying to make it clear that I preferred Jacob."That's Sam - he's nineteen," he informed me.

And there you have it, my first official meme where I actually know what the hell a meme is.

I Got Tagged

Random Chick tagged me with my very first meme; I am to write my memoir in six words. Not as easy a task as I first thought because there are so many descriptive six-word phrases I could put out there to describe myself:

Her sarcasm far exceeds her patience.
I have no patience for this.
Her mating with Satan produced offspring.
There ain’t no cure fer stupid.
When life serves lemons, make lemonade.
Nothing cures heartache more than laughter.
What idiot suggested I do this?
Was I the schmuck that agreed?
This’s bad for people with ADD!
OH NO…here we go again!
Don’t tell anyone I’m a sap.
I played hockey for Christ’s sake!
I am NOT a big wimp!
This is harder than you think!
OH LOOK…..is that a chicken?

But after much consideration, I settled upon the one I think describes me best:

Laugh at life; it’s all funny.




Am I supposed to tag someone? RC did so maybe I should as well. I’m going with these fabulous bloggers; I figure quality vs. quantity so I’ve kept my list short:

Mrs. R

Bonnie

Magpie

Attila

but don't feel obligated.....cause I love ya, man.