A Fiendly Game of Kickball

Yes, I'm still alive....lots going on; will get you caught up soon.

So we're currently planning another game of kickball to be played by family, friends, and loved ones. Our last game was such fun we've decided to try and make this a semi-regular gathering. Last game we had approximaitely 20 -25 people, one dog, and lots of beer.

Word has gotten out (Thanks to SIL!) and it looks like this game will be jam-packed with moms, dads, kids, dogs, friends, neighbors, and office cronies. In trying to determine exactly what to wear to such a prestigious gathering of individuals, I ran across THIS:

Dude, who wouldn't want to play a game of ZOMBIE KICKBALL?!?!?

JEEZ-MO-NINNIES…What Begins With “J”?

I was tagged!!

Okay, not really, I actually volunteered for this because believe it or not I’ve been having brain-farts lately and having difficulties coming up with shit to write about. Because basically that’s what I write about; life’s big, bowl-filling dumps.

Giggle Pixie previously known as

posted her list of ten things she likes that began with the letter “G”. She indicated that anyone interested could let her know and she would assign a letter.

I volunteered – which I’ve been doing a lot lately. What’s wrong with me? I’ve volunteered for this, I’ve volunteered to help this weekend with the Extreme Make-Over here in town (and not because Ty looks good in jeans, either), I volunteered to work the concession stand at my daughter’s softball games AND I volunteered to work the Special Olympics next month.

LIKE I DON’T HAVE ENOUGH SHIT ON MY PLATE ALREADY?!?!?!

I digress….as usual.

So I left a little note for G.P. telling her I would love to join in the fun and she assigns me the letter “J”.

“J”????

“J” sucks! Besides, Cowguy just did “J” and he stole all the good “J” stuff!

But I promised G.P. so I gave this whole letter thing a shot. It took all morning with my office door shut to come up with this list so I hope ya’ll appreciate it. AND…..in true Cowguy style I’ve included a picture to enhance my list of crap.

Queen Goob's List Of Ten Things She Likes That Begin With The Letter "J"......

1. JAVA
I – LOVE – COFFEE!!!! I love the smell of freshly ground beans, I love the sound of the gurgling pot indicating the coffee is almost done brewing, I love the first sip of the morning, the sip that closes your eyes in ecstasy regardless of the fact it’s only a Tuesday morning and not the weekend. I – LOVE – COFFEE.

2. Jokes
Jokes are awesome. I love things that make me laugh especially when you’re enjoying a beer with a friend just hangin’ out on the back porch and bantering back and forth to see who has the best blonde joke even though the both of you are truly and legally blonde.

3. Juvenile Delinquents
I love things that make me laugh…..wait that was my previous item. Or was it? Juvies are idiots and idiots are fun to make fun of and making fun of stupid people makes me laugh. YUP, I love juvies.

4. Jewelry
Ladies, need I say more?

5. Jamoca Ice Cream Served with Cookie Wafers
I needed to take a moment for myself when I thought of this one. Do you guys have Baskins Robbins Ice Cream? Is it a national company or is it just on the East Coast? If you don’t have it someone should be shot for not sharing. Available since 1956, Jamoca is a specially blended coffee ice cream. Even better is when you have a scoop of chocolate to enhance the Java-ee flavor.

6. Jury Duty
No, I’m not crazy, I really want to serve on a jury but see here’s the thing. Most of my college education is in Law Enforcement with a specialty in Crime Scene Investigation (strike one) that and the fact that many of my instructors are old school, good old boys here in my great southern town (strike two) and a number of friends are within the law enforcement community (strike three) I’ve been called to jury duty but never been chosen to serve.

Bastards!

7. Junk Food

Honey, if I could bathe in Cheezie Poofs, I would.

8. Jumpin' Jehosaphat
Not only is this a great word to randomly yell out while perusing the junk food aisle at Wal-Mart at 2;30 in the morning, but this is the first word that flies from my lips every time I see Dwayne Johnson.

JOHNSON……ANOTHER “J”! YAY ME!!!

9. Jeans
They do a body good. Jeans are my favorite piece of clothing AND they make rock hard abs and a tight tush look – well, look H-O-T HOT! Throw a little Jamoca on that and I could eat for a week.

10. Jaguars
The 1963 Jaguar E-Type Convertible in British Racing Green OR the 1959 Jaguar XK150 Roadster in Black. Ya’ll can have your Italian sports cars, I’ll stick with the Brits. Just look at those lines, girls. A figure one can be proud of. I know I wouldn’t complain about my vastly budding and expanding ass if it was sitting in one of those!

So there you have my list of thing I enjoy that begin with the letter “J”. Jesus would have been right up there but that was one Cowguy stole along with a MOST fabulous picture that I knew I couldn’t top. I’m not taggin anyone but if you’ve run outta stuff to blog about the same way I have, drop a note in your comment and I’ll ass-ign a letter to ya. Hey G.P., is there a certain rule I need to follow if anyone actually asks to do this?

Jeez-mo-ninnies!

I May Not Be Able To Stomp The Yard But I Can Stomp A Roach

Spawnette and I have taken up a new type of entertainment. As a single mom, cheap entertainment is always the best kind; she and I are reality TV junkies. WAIT; don’t stop reading just because we have lowered ourselves to the very depths of Dante’s sixth circle where those of us are strongly at variance with the accepted opinion that she and I are not the coolest of cool.

Because we are.

This nightmare I speak of….well it would have been if you were there….all started when Spawnette was flipping through the channels and stumbled across Mario Lopez hosting “Randy Jackson Presents: America’s Best Dance Crew!” (Don’t forget the exclamation point!) I’m not much of a dance show connoisseur, I don’t do that whole “Dancing With The Stars” thing, but when a girl like me catches a glimpse of a man/boy like this all hell breaks loose in Cougar World.

So there I am, chopping away at onions and garlic for my noodles Florentine in a light cream sauce when it hits me from behind. The thomping. The stomping. I can’t keep my feet still. There are men all over the television screen gyrating and moving making the most hypnotic beat I’ve ever heard.



Spawnette and I immediately began to duel in the middle of the kitchen floor and if I don’t say so myself I R-O-C-K. Throw in a little hambone and we were ready for the next crew:



By the time I was through showing Spawnette who da boss was she was sweating up a storm and I was looking for my first place trophy.

Hey, you wanna throw down? Cause I be flippin’!

Our Own Bowl Game…..And It Wasn’t In The Toilet

A group of us got together last night to watch the Florida Gators win over the Oklahoma Sooners. I, of course, was wearing my Pittsburgh Steelers sweatshirt so I got a bit of shit over that BUT I’m already preparing for MY game on Sunday. But that’s another story.

Our evening started of with a nice meal which included rolls from Just Bob’s favorite grocery store. This is one of the many reasons we love Publix:

The group congregated at Magillacutty’s house and soon there after the excitement began:

The gangs all here

Ron Cherry SUCKS


MORE COW BELL!!!


Stop farting in my house.....


Oh Yeah!


The Fan Club

All in all it was a fun night for everyone except for King and Bro who are not Gator fans…..they were there for the beer.

Okay, too many beers…


DAMMIT MARNIE DON'T TAKE MY PICTURE!!!

FYI - That was me throwing the gauntlet at my brother - because I posted a picture of him peeing outside he will not only be pissed about the "inappropriate" picture on my blog but he will now be posting really bad 80's pictures of me with HUGE glasses and a REALLY bad perm. I hope you guys appreciate this!

Tis The Season Of Giving

Dr. Zibbs tagged me after seeing how much fun I had with the Secret Santa Can Suck It gift exchange. In a heart-warming act of kindness, our Dr. Z. has started “The That Blue Yak Crappy Gifts for Sick People Stockpile.” He proposed that we make a list of gifts that MIGHT be given to some sick people and we just send that list to a place where sick people are with the hopes that “some rich dude will see the list and buy all of the presents for the sick people.” But to make this exchange a little more challenging he feels that we really shouldn’t waste our time, efforts, or money on sick people as they will most likely just cough on it anyway or something but hey….isn’t it the thought that counts?

So here’s what we were to do:

1) Pick a crappy gift for the That Blue Yak Crappy Gifts For Sick People Stockpile and post it on your site.

2) Pick 5 bloggers that you think might want to open their hearts and pick a crappy gift.

3) Link back to this post.

4) And if you really want to get into heaven, write, "I POSTED A CRAPPY GIFT" in the comments section of this post so we can see the crappy gifts you picked.

After much thought, soul searching, and two sushi rolls I decided upon the following to be added to the crappy gift stockpile exchange:

A pair of hand-made maxi-pad slippers. Not only will this fabulous gift fit snuggly to our invalid’s foot (because these are adjustable to just about any size) they provide warmth, comfort, and the ability to pick up hazardous waste material dropped on the floor by those uncaring and thoughtless nurses. I tried to find a holiday pair but was unsuccessful so first thing this morning…….okay third thing this morning (I needed coffee and a cigarette) a made this fabulous pair myself. Note the holiday garland and berries make a perfectly ordinary pair of maxi-pads a festive holiday treat.

I didn't tag anyone because knowing the few that will read this, some of you guys will take it upon yourselves to just do it for the fun of it. So go ahead, take a walk on the wild side and visit That Blue Yak for some more exciting holiday gift ideas!

p.s. I really did make the slippers.....think Spawnette will wear them?

WEEEEEEEEE Are The Champions!

FINALLY!!! The boys came away Friday night with a Championship win. The final score was 17 – 7 and both the pre-game and post-game celebrations were AWESOME!

(Z is middle right)

(Isn't he handsome? Cougars need not apply.)

We arrived at the stadium a couple of hours early to tailgate before the game. There was great food and much laughter in preparation of a challenging game. Here we have my brother and my daughter hamming it up for the camera. Actually, in the second shot I was just trying to get a photo of the sun setting on the stadium BUT Spawnette had to get into the act.

(His ears aren't REALLY that big, he just pulled his hat low for a "special Kodak moment....man, he'll be pissed when he sees I posted this picture. LOVE YOU FINNIE!!!!)


(Scary shot of her mouth.)

After the boys pulled of a much deserved victory I hoofed it down to the field. Looking around I also noticed that no other parents (other than Satan himself who happened to jump the wall) were down on the field. I am such a hoodlum, I know.

(Come on guys, it was a long day; you were expecting me to look sexy???)

Spent Saturday with my sister and family. Here I am with my niece "Legs"…..she just turned fifteen....she’s kinda tall.


(Hellooooo??? Can you see me???)

Hope you all had a MOST fabulous weekend as well!

A Sad Day For Carnies Everywhere

Wow…..what a let down. After all of my hoopla and excitement about the fair being in town I was sorely disappointed by the lack of photo opportunities. I got....

The carnies were actually fairly well groomed and had obviously received dental insurance upon the legislative requirement that all carnival ride operators become licensed and insured. What’s up with THAT?!?!? How are we to tolerate attending the most feared and hated celebration of redneckaucracy? We all know that nothing outdoes fair food as far as our supercilious palates go but to suffer through the mediocrity of the Ferris wheel operator was just plain unacceptable. Let me give you a couple examples:

Here we have my brother and sister-in-law posing for a photo so that I could hone in on the woman with the neck tattoo.

That’s it, a neck tattoo. No gaping holes in her oral cavity where her central or lateral incisors should have been……nothin’!

Here we have “The Man of Thick Glasses.” Again, no missing teeth but he DID have that “Hi my name is Cletus and I’m a pedophile” look about him.

Take a close look at the picture below; the carnie is nothing special as far as freakishness goes but I’d like to point out the shoulders the man’s face falls between; this is my brother and sister-in-law again posing for the sake of my blog. Are they the bomb or WHAT!!!

This one we’ll call “Checkin’ Out The Underage Girl’s Ass”. Isn’t he just a cheek’s pinch away from Sunday dinner with the family?

There were quite a few fabulous examples of what not to wear in public but after I got caught taking this first picture, I was afraid of getting my ass kicked in an attempt to add additional photographs to my portfolio. The lady in red was not pleased with my attempt at humor; she didn’t think there was anything wrong at all with her fashion ensemble.

I think the best time we had all night was eating the “if it ain’t deep fried, it ain’t good enough” food. Here’s my brother contemplating where to begin.

After a little bit of this and a whole lot of that….

high on the hog (literally) and we headed home.

check out the photo blog for additional pictures of our trip to the fair

AARRRRR Ye Ready Fer Halloween?

The Spawn and I especially love the holidays. Halloween is a time for us to get out there and annoy those we love with lots of tricks now that we no longer go house to house for treats. There are many a thing you can do to “show your love” this evening as we celebrate Mischief Night. (For those living in Detroit, grab a pack of matches and hit the streets.) There’s toilet papering, soaping, and corning to name but a few. Weird enough, though, the local-yokels down here have never heard of such a thing. WWHHAAAAATT???? Never heard of Mischief Night? Well come along, friends, and let us introduce you to a tradition that will surely be marked on next year’s calendar.

There’s soaping. This is the rubbing of bars of soap on people’s windows making them opaque. Ivory is great but shaving cream is fun, too. However, we reserve the shaving cream for those neighbors that allow their dogs to poop in our yards because it’s a little more difficult to clean up.

Then we have “corning”. This is where you get field corn and shuck it into little brown lunch bags so that you can hurl it at passing cars or neighbor’s windows. It makes a TREMENDOUS noise when it hits a big bay window. I won’t allow the spawn to throw corn at cars like I did as a kid because way back when I didn’t realize the danger, Will Robinson, that this could cause.

And finally we have the much-loved…. toilet papering. No explanation needed because why? It’s cheap, it’s fun, and it’s a picture perfect moment.

Many a mischief maker throw eggs, however, I have not incorporated this into the family night of fun. If you’ve ever had to clean dried egg from your car you will remind your offspring that eggs are for eating, not for throwing.

This year’s fun will begin with the initiation of the spawns' first attempt at TPing. I figure we’ll hit an unsuspecting victim outside of our neighborhood then take some pictures to show my blogging family. Call me kookie but I have this fear my vehicle will be recognized if we hit a good friend.



Any suggestions who to toilet paper? It can’t be my brother because he reads my blog AND he and his wife would get P-I-S-S-E-D PISSED!