Publix ROCKS!

Sitting around with some girls this afternoon taking a break from the real world and somehow the subject of commercials came up. Wish I had posted this for Mother's Day....



Hallmark got even higher marks but I couldn't find the one with the retiring teacher....anyone remember that one?

Happy Belated Mother's Day!

Calling All Super Moms

It was hinted in a comment of an earlier post that as a mother I have “Super Powers”. I think it’s high time that mommies unite and become one with those powers that are at this moment lying dormant within our core.

I’ve made a list of all things powerful that we as mothers suppress; things that need to be brought to the forefront of our daily lives. Things to better the lives of those around us; the lives of our loved ones. Each of these powers should also be connected to a super-hero name so in the true effort to join together across our fabulous nation and beyond, I’ve started a list with the aspiration that you, my friends, will continue to add to it in the hopes that this world……our world, will be a better, safer, more extraordinary place for our offspring to thrive.

(This is where you stand tall, place one hand on your hip, salute with the other, and fix your eyes on the horizon.)

The Burnisher – She has the ability to spit into a tissue enough saliva to clean the faces of two dozen children.

Sackagawea – She is able to pack her entire family’s clothing and necessities into one backpack for a three week trek through the Carpathians.

Phlegm – She is capable of hocking a loogie large enough to match those spewed forth by volcanic eruption and hurling it through the atmosphere restraining unsuspecting victims where they stand.

The Impaler – She is able to slay large bugs from a distance of 4.3 miles.

The Eradicator – She is capable of obliterating any and all memories of the drunken imbecile she made of herself the previous evening.

Spew – She can relay all of her displeasure in one continuous non-interrupted string of profanity without insult or injury to innocent bystanders.

The Exterminator – She can slay an entire village with just one, small, flatulent discharge.

Skurrey – She has the ability to multitask no less than 463 things at one time.

Sinusoid – She can totally and completely block out all sound.

Delgada – No matter what she wears, she looks svelte. If she lets you borrow her clothing, so do you. She’s vain and self-absorbed but only when wearing her black latex cat suit with her thigh-high stiletto boots. (We at the Super Mom Command Center have limited this to once a month, twice during her birthday week.)

It’s your turn; The SMCC is seeking more comrades to add to our faction. Bring them one; bring them all. Nothing, and I mean nothing, should stand in the way of being the best mommies we can……….without going totally and completely insane.

To make YOUR OWN Superhero, go here just like Random Chick did!!!

Why Irish Mommies Drink Heavily On St. Paddy's Day...

(Conversation with Spawnette this morning)



6:30 a.m.

Honey, it’s time to get up.

mwphf

Would you like me to make you a cup of coffee?

mwphrlb

‘Kay, be right back.



6:33 a.m.

Here’s your coffee Sweet Pea, I’ll check on you in a few.

GUMPH



6:47 a.m.

Honey, you really need to get a move on it, okay?

(Linda Blair shoots up into a sitting position spewing forth…)

I HEARD you the FIRST time!



6:53 a.m.

(I notice there still is no light streaming from under her bedroom door.)

(I softly tap on the door.)

(In a whisper…..)

You up yet?

YES!!!!!



7:02 a.m.

(I slam the door open and flip on the light yelling….)

Grandma’s here to take you to school; I gotta go!

WHERE’S MY BAG????

What bag?

MY BACKPACK!!!!

Where did you see it last?

FRIDAY!!!!

No “where” did you see it last?

I DON’T KNOW!!!!

Hold on, I bet you left it in the car.

I TOLD “HIM” TO HELP ME CARRY MY STUFF IN AND HE NEVER DOES ANYTHING!!!!

(I return in two minutes)

Here it is.

WHERE’S MY BAG????

Right there.

NOT THAT ONE, MOM!!!!

What bag?

MY SOFTBALL BAG!!!! I NEED IT FOR THE GAME TONIGHT!!!!

What game?

MOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!! WE HAVE A GAME AT 4:00!!!!

On the 24th, Honey, not today.

MOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!! IT’S A MAKE-UP GAME!!!!

When did you find this out?

LAST WEEK!!!!

(Deep sigh)

Honey, I really need to go.

I HAVE TO HAVE MY BAG!!!! COACH WILL BE SOOOOOO MAD IF I DON’T HAVE MY BAG!!!!

(Leaning over and grasping the handle of the bag lying at my feet…)

This one?

YESSSS!!!! WHERE WAS IT?!?!?!

Some troll-like creature that goes by the name of Gork slipped into the house last night with the sole purpose of reeking havoc on your perfectly organized morning routine. Don’t worry Honey; Mommy will let him sneak in the house tonight then kick his ever-lovin’ dimply ass for disrupting everything perfect and orderly here in your room.

Mom…..you really need to go.