Thursday, June 21, 2007

June 19, 2007

Not much happening today so I'll start my blog off with my week's beginning:

Oh my GOITER! What?!?! Is it like Monday the 13th or something? My day started out horrible and turned into nothing but a comedy of errors. But hey, at least I have my coffee. Had tickets to take my daughter and a friend to a concert last night, couldn't get out of it had I even tried. Hawthorne Heights was here in Tallahassee but the girls failed to tell me there were FOUR count them FOUR OPENING ACTS and that the concert started at 7:00! HellOOoo, even driving as if I were Racer-X I can’t beat the traffic and make it home before 5:00 – and that is contingent upon me actually leaving work on time and not having to stop for gas and a Full Throttle. I also needed to change clothes, grab a bite to eat, slap a bit-o-face on before I would ever consider leaving the house to attend such a fabulously exciting public performance such as we were going to. Sarah, (Ally's friend) lives somewhere in the vicinity of 20 miles in the complete and opposite direction. Her mother was laying on the couch having succumbed to pain medication after receiving two fillings and a root canal so it wasn't as if I could ask her to bring Sarah to my house. Needless to say it was a tad late for this old broad when we girls finally made it home last night. Of course when you get home from an "exciting" evening such as we had you can't just crawl into bed and drop immediately to sleep, right? So I took a few moments to sit on the back porch with my book and a beer trying to unwind and recover my hearing. “Recover your hearing?” you ask in a sweetly inquisitive voice? “But why?” Well girls, the concert wasn't in the Civic Center which seats approximately 13,000.....oh no, it was in an "establishment" that measures approximately 16'x21' that was bursting with enthusiastic fans.

This morning I was a good girl and got up to turn my alarm off at 6:00 AND I also grabbed and answered the phone when my man called “just to make sure” I was actually awake. Okay, so I hit the snooze button one time, I just didn't wake up for another hour and ten minutes. GREAT! I'm just waking up and I should already be on my way to work, FABULOUS! So I grab a quick shower, throw on a dress, remember to apply deodorant, grab a cup’o joe, my lunch and my purse and…..I'm…! (Just for the record, flying over speed bumps at 50+ miles an hour is not recommended while drinking a ginormous cup of coffee.) I grab my phone to call my man as I do every morning on my ride to work and *PLOP* phone takes a triple gainer with half twist right into my cup of coffee. What?!?! Now you tell me my phone does not know how to swim? NOW?!?! Crap - a speed bump ahead and I can't slow down......I hit the bump, my coffee flies into the air spewing forth my phone and in slow motion I pull a “007” grabbing it mid-air right as my tires touch down and my SUV shimmies and swerves as I expertly bring it under control again........okay, so maybe I didn't retrieve my phone out of the coffee exactly like that but it would have been really cool if I did, huh? Nope, goober Marn has to submerge her hand into the sickly-sweet concoction, pull her phone to safety, and begin rescue breathing and CPR. It was kinda like when puppies or kittens are born and they're not breathing so you have to hold them in the palm of your hand and fling them downwards to remove the fluid from their lungs, that's what I looked like driving myself to work this morning. Let us hope my efforts of resuscitation work and my phone doesn't ascend to Mount Technolympus, the sacred dwelling of all things technological baffling to blondes.

No comments: