Hey Mambo! Mambo Italiano!

I love the pizza dough tosser in the Visa “Hey Mambo” commercial. I thought to myself how cool it would be to find out who this guy is and where he makes pizza so that maybe one day soon I could hope in the car and take a road trip just to watch him toss back a few…..pizza crusts. The search didn’t take long and I discovered way more than I thought I would. His name is Juan Hermosillo and he is currently the captain of the United States Pizza Team.

WHAT?!?!??? Did you know there was a United States Pizza Team?

No really, these guys (and gals) travel the world competing in freestyle throwing receiving points for difficulty, creativity, etc. And get this….the team is from ALL OVER!! Brooklyn, Orlando, Columbus, Chattanooga! How cool is that? When not competing you can visit these guys where they work. I say we pick a day and all go out to a restaurant in a city close to us and compare notes. Anyone game?

Soft-Core Porn and Primetime Television

For those that know me and know me well, it comes as no surprise when I tell you I am a reality TV addict. I love everything horrible and wrong about reality TV. Is it staged? Of course. Is it invasive and destructive? Have no doubt. Does it open doors to public humiliation like no other television genre? You bet your sweet padoobies it does. But really, can you honestly say that when you stubble across Patti Stanger while channel surfing the 4,381 channels you undoubtedly overpay your cable company for, you don’t become mesmerized not only by her forthrightness (that was me being polite) but by the incredibly brave souls that bare themselves hoping for a highlight clip on E! or TMZ.

Last night was the kick off to the new season of Dancing With The Stars. I’ve never watched this series before unless my mother was over for dinner and politely suggested we turn the TV on so that she could “watch her show”. I realized last night while an 80 year old Buzz Aldrin moon-walked his way onto the dance floor and showed us how unattractively we will dance as we not-so-gracefully grow old I don’t want that much reality, thank you very much. This man is an American Icon. A legend. Come hell or high water the man better make it through at least one elimination. THIS tribe has spoken!

But alas, the pièce de résistance was the one and only Pamela Anderson sexing up prime time television with her version of the Cha-Cha. Really? That’s what professional dancers wear when dancing the Cha-Cha? Bet it didn’t take that child illegally working in a third world country to sew on those 16 sequins ya got there, Sugar. The adjustment of her breastages while the hostess was interviewing her was the highlight of MY evening. I’m looking forward to her wardrobe choice for next week. Maybe, if we’re lucky, it will look something like this:

And so I post this one for you, guys, because through lottery winnings I’ve yet to attain and a sugar daddy I’ve never really put the time and effort into acquiring I will look and dance….just….like….this:

For other reality TV junkies, there’s a new show coming down the pike….CHECK!

All By Myself

Wow, coming back here is like peering into another dimension. It’s been so long since I‘ve blogged that my ironicism, a skill once honed and crafted to perfection, has become lackadaisical and flaccid. (I love that word. I think I will try and use the word “flaccid” no less than three times a day this week. The King may be pissed by tomorrow afternoon BUT what’s a girl to do.)

Nothing extraordinary has taken place since 2001 so I’ll skip the update since last I was here. I figure that all of the other bloggers I came to know and love have flown the coup and moved on to bigger and better things so from here on out – I’ll pretty much be writing for myself. Good thing I crack my ass up!

I won’t be here every day because I don’t have the time and effort it takes to come up with something as creative as I expect of myself. I’ll be rambling about nonsensical things that only a mind as warped as my own will be able to understand AND if you’re lucky post a picture here and there.

So there it is folks, let’s se how long I can keep this up. Wish me luck, cross your fingers, and make a wish on a star.

Sláinte!!!!

Just Sayin'

Yes...I suck...I know.