Step 1 – Find someone that has a sense of humor as sick as yours.
Step 2 – Plan ahead where and when you will meet.
Step 3 – Tell them the front of the mall is unacceptable and you’ll meet at Ruby Tuesday’s because they serve beer before noon.
Step 4 – Meet at designated rendezvous and order two ginormous beers for each of you.
Step 5 – Race to see who can chug their beer faster; this does not frighten you because your shopping companion is a young, single guy who has NO concept what-so-ever of what it takes to raise two teenagers.
Step 6 – Rag your shopping companion relentlessly because he’s a pansy and can’t keep up.
Step 7 – Make your way out into the chaos and destruction of shopping the Saturday before Christmas.
Step 8 – Run back to Ruby Tuesday’s for one more beer because it’s frightening out there.
Step 9 – Who gives a crap, you’ve just chugged three 24 oz. beers and LIFE IS GREAT!
Step 10 – Call your 71 year old mother and slur to her over the phone that “shou neeb a rad homeb”.