I Had No Idea

The King and I spent the weekend running errands and just shopping around. He wants to get a grill now that he can cook outside year round so Saturday morning we went to PetSmart, Home Depot, and Lowe's. I know, PetSmart doesn’t have grills but it was right beside Home Depot and I needed a few things for the fish tanks. I was almost a very bad girl at PetSmart but the King helped me refrain from getting a puppy......even though it was a really, really, cute and sweet puppy that was abandoned at a cabin when he was very small and almost died BUT I was a good girl none-the-less because the rescue group is a “no kill” organization so I knew the not-so-little guy was safe from harm. As we left the store we began our excursion "window shopping" for grills.

I had no idea…

Grill shopping for guys is a totally different experience than it is for girls. Don’t get me wrong, I L.O.V.E. cooking on a grill but I can get the same result from this:

as I can with this:



King wanted this:

Not only was his choice a tad expensive and include a mini refrigerator, but it was a bit cumbersome as well. I had no idea how we would have gotten it home in the SUV….even if we had had a trailer to load it on.

As I watch King position himself in front of this behemoth of a monster-grill, I swear I heard angels singing as he stood dead center of the mammoth component, caressing the surface like that of a young, nubile, virgin sacrifice. He struck a Jesus pose and prayed to the grill-gods of Valhalla. It was a beautiful thing to behold. It brought a tear to my eye just imagining him in nothing but a chef's hat and apron cooking one inch thick porterhouse steaks off the back porch.

Yes siree, it was a beautiful thing!

Mr. Interpretation

Driving back to work after a lunch hour spent together, the King and I noticed a car to our right that had this decal in the back window:



The King asked what the decal symbolized and I stated that the driver was a “girl hunter”.

“Oh, she’s a lesbian,” he stated.

I giggled and said “No….she is a Girl. Hunter.”

“That’s what I said.”

“No,” I repeated “she is a girl that hunts; that’s the logo for Browning.”

“Oh.”

Welcome again, to the world of Redneckaucracy…..

A Sad Day For Carnies Everywhere

Wow…..what a let down. After all of my hoopla and excitement about the fair being in town I was sorely disappointed by the lack of photo opportunities. I got....

The carnies were actually fairly well groomed and had obviously received dental insurance upon the legislative requirement that all carnival ride operators become licensed and insured. What’s up with THAT?!?!? How are we to tolerate attending the most feared and hated celebration of redneckaucracy? We all know that nothing outdoes fair food as far as our supercilious palates go but to suffer through the mediocrity of the Ferris wheel operator was just plain unacceptable. Let me give you a couple examples:

Here we have my brother and sister-in-law posing for a photo so that I could hone in on the woman with the neck tattoo.

That’s it, a neck tattoo. No gaping holes in her oral cavity where her central or lateral incisors should have been……nothin’!

Here we have “The Man of Thick Glasses.” Again, no missing teeth but he DID have that “Hi my name is Cletus and I’m a pedophile” look about him.

Take a close look at the picture below; the carnie is nothing special as far as freakishness goes but I’d like to point out the shoulders the man’s face falls between; this is my brother and sister-in-law again posing for the sake of my blog. Are they the bomb or WHAT!!!

This one we’ll call “Checkin’ Out The Underage Girl’s Ass”. Isn’t he just a cheek’s pinch away from Sunday dinner with the family?

There were quite a few fabulous examples of what not to wear in public but after I got caught taking this first picture, I was afraid of getting my ass kicked in an attempt to add additional photographs to my portfolio. The lady in red was not pleased with my attempt at humor; she didn’t think there was anything wrong at all with her fashion ensemble.

I think the best time we had all night was eating the “if it ain’t deep fried, it ain’t good enough” food. Here’s my brother contemplating where to begin.

After a little bit of this and a whole lot of that….

high on the hog (literally) and we headed home.

check out the photo blog for additional pictures of our trip to the fair

Freaks and Geeks

I’m so excited…..guess what’s in town this week! The FAIR! I love the fair. King Dork and I don’t go for the rides; we go for the food, the freaks, and the photo opportunities. This evening’s entertainment will begin with a bit of fair food followed by the freak shows. I. Love. The. Fair.

I, Queen Goob, do solemnly swear to my best in bringing back to you a photo montage of all the food we partake in and all the freaks we come across or….pay to see!

Don’t hate me because I’m petty like that…..

it’s the FAIR!

Some Things Never Change

Many of my blogger friends talk of their kids and I realize that I’m older than I think because most of the kids I read about are in elementary school. Not mine; I have the dreaded beast of terror, destruction, and destitution that we call teenagers. Funny, though, no matter how well we try to train them day after day, week after week, they revert to their toddlerism days and do things that just plain crack me up.

Spawnette was just recently working on a project required of her speech class. They were to “invent” a product, design advertising and marketing materials, and present it to the class. She came up with some kind of walking, talking, breathing, and don’t forget to do the dishes and laundry telephone. The phone would have been a tad large and wouldn’t have fit in my pocket but that’s the price you pay for maid service.

A package of poster board and a box of markers later I present to you her first attempt at marketing.

It says: I ♥ U

Some things never change, do they? At least it was the dog and not the furniture or living room walls.

Help Desk Ticket

I went to the cable company’s home office last Thursday to pick up a modem so that I could hook up high-speed internet at the house. It’s a twenty-three minute drive from work so I figured I could haul butt there and back during my lunch break with a couple of minutes to spare due to the fact my middle name is “Racer X”. No such luck; the DMV here is fabulous, not so much the cable company.

After receiving my modem and all required insert technical terms here for cables and stuff, I raced back to the office prepared to hook up the internet at home over the weekend. Thinking ahead and due to the fact I’m a blonde, I called my brother over to assist and guide in the connection of the box to the computer.

He got nothin’.

We drank a couple of beers, tried again, and still got nothin’. At this point I offered my assistance.

Bro went home, grabbed his modem and came back to the homestead; lo and behold thru his box we had high-speed connectivity and proceeded to surf the web. He left, took his box with him with the understanding that I would go BACK to the home office and trade out boxes because obviously I had a defective modem.

Monday I again took my lunch break to turn in the “defective” modem and traded it in on a “working” modem.

Went home last night, hooked it up and guess what!! You got it…

I got nothin’.

After two modems, three phone calls to tech support, and three IT professionals, I called and made an appointment for a cable technician to come to the house and “hook it up properly”. I have a feeling that Cletus may run into difficulties, too.

Should I have King Dork and Brother there for good measure? Yeah, I think so, too.

Mergers and Acquisitions

The merge is complete. Okay, the merge has begun but the move in is complete. The merge will be the easy part. This is what King Dork brought with him when he arrived in Tallahassee. Think I have room in my 1900+ square foot home?

I don’t know; it looks like the merging of our “stuff” may be a tough one. We’re heading to Ohio over the Thanksgiving holiday to bring back the rest of his stuff. He says it should all fit in my SUV. Sounds like we may have to add onto the house to accommodate everything.

And I spent TWO WEEKS CLEANING CRAP OUT OF MY HOUSE FOR THIS?!?!?!?

Looks like I may rake in at the yard sale next weekend!