Monday, January 28, 2008

Hi, My Name is Marnie and I'm A Bad Mommy....Hi Marnie!

I’ve done the unthinkable. What I’ve repeatedly stated I would never do. My mantra (number 361) is no longer valid and must be sent to the dungeon that imprisons all other fallacious and erroneous mantras. (I LOVE my thesaurus!!) I wrote a paper for one of my kids. I hang my head in shame. I am going to hell.

Okay, okay… need to brand me with a scarlet “H” for hypocrite; I did not come up with the title or subject of the paper as that was already decided upon. And I actually made them read the material and highlight all of the subject areas to be include but I had stuff to do, people. I had to go to the grocery store, bathe the dog, drop off a truckload of Good Will items, and go to my mother’s in order to return her vacuum cleaner that had been at my house for 4½ weeks. I did NOT have the time to lollygag at the house waiting for my kid to write a paper on the downfall of the Knights Templar. Geez-mo-ninnies guys, do you know how long that would have taken? My entire Saturday was already kaput! I got nuthin’, nada, zilch, done and the clock was a tickin’. It was already Sunday high-noon and the guns were slingin’. I had a shootout with my mother scheduled and my horse was lame. I panicked, I take full responsibility, I have violated the unwritten and sacred law of parenting: “Thou shalt not composeth manuscripts for thy offspring.”

I was good, though. I used a few conjunctions and when it was finished, the Flesch-Kincaid reading level was appropriately a 10.7. I do these things because I care. Because I’m a good mommy. Because I’m trying my best to cover-up the fact that the 27th commandment had been broken. I am doomed.

Okee-dokee, pity party over. I’m cool now. I’ve bemoaned my fate for those that care. Like no one else has never done the same for their kid? No? Then your children obviously aren’t old enough yet to have papers and projects requiring display boards with asinine deadline dates assigned to them.

Bookmark this for later reference and we’ll drink a toast to your demise. God how I love stripping good parents of their morals and values for the good of mankind.

“The circle is now complete. When I left you, I was but the learner; now I am the master.” – Darth Vader

p.s. I promise to take pictures of the man-dolls we have dressed in robes and burning at the stake. I take these pictures again…because I care…because one day you will thank me for providing you with a last minute idea for that project your child “forgot to tell you about and is due on Monday”. I have many…..MANY great ideas. I am your master.

1 comment:

Marie said...

Since I'm homeschooling I'm in especial danger of doing such things. I wish my parents had cared so much, they never even checked to see if I had any homework.