Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Who Needs Weight Watchers?

I had chicken for dinner last night and it made me think of my blog and how I’ve neglected my fans.

Last week I took a look at pictures from less than a year ago. May I be the first to state what a porker I am? As I would like to once again feel sexy in my turquoise flamingo and trailer park pajamas I’ve decided to count points the Weight Watchers way. According to the system, I have been allotted 20 – 25 points a day. As I’m a bit of a greedy girl, I’ve given myself the whole entire 25 points per day. Now, I’m not one to actually attend WW meetings BUT I did make the effort to steal my daughters point counting books so that I could determine just how much I’m eating a day vs. what I SHOULD be eating a day. I’m not very good with math (simple addition and subtraction tends to make me vomit) but I have devised my very own, specially formulated points counting system that I want to share with my friends, family, and loved ones.

Marnie’s Points

1. 2 points for eating only 7 chocolate chip cookies instead of the entire sleeve of Chips Ahoy.

2. 3 points for eating my double cheeseburger in the car before I get to the school to pick up the kids and they see that I stopped at McDonald’s and didn’t get them anything.

3. 1 point for removing the pickle and strategically throwing it out the window into oncoming traffic.

4. 1 point for it landing on the windshield of a sports car driven by a middle-aged man with a comb-over.

5. 5 points for using wheat pasta in any dish I make because it tastes like crap.

6. 5 additional points for actually eating it.

7. 3 points for the cease and desist of coffee drinking by 7:00 pm to alleviate that additional pound of sugar and ½ gallon of 2% milk consumption.

8. 2 points for not beating my kids senseless before they go to bed.

9. 1 point for chain-smoking in the evenings while I read my trashy romance novel.

10. 2 points for getting to bed before midnight.

There you go folks; feel free to indulge in the fun-filled activity of counting points to lose weight.

It works for me!