Friday, March 21, 2008

Carndal Sin Friday

I am in a pissy mood today.

Sitting in a meeting this morning, a meeting that had absolutely no possibility what-so-ever to maintain my attention, my mind began to wander. I’m ADD; my mind wanders a great deal. It wanders so far and wide I have no idea where it will wind up.

Today’s destination was one of the cardinal sins. Can any of you remember what those seven deadly sins are? I’ll list them for you in alphabetical order. They are: envy, gluttony, greed, lust, pride, sloth, and wrath. Funny, because looking at the alphabetized list I was right there at the top dwelling on envy.

Webster’s defines “envy” as follows:

Noun – 1. A feeling of grudging admiration and desire to have something possessed by another. 2. Spite and resentment at seeing the success of another (personified as one of the deadly sins). *whew* got that right!

Verb – 1. Feel envious towards; admire enviously. 2. Be envious of; set one's heart on.

Yup, that describes my musing to a tee. I was recently reading blogs and comments of others and I became sad/aggravated/angry/disappointed/call it what you will that I didn’t have what some of them have. I didn’t have one of the things that I want most. I want it, Daddy, and I want it now! There it is folks - envy. That ugly green monster called envy.

What is it, you ask, that could put such a loving and caring soul such as mine into a tailspin of despair? I’m a forty-two year old single mother of two teenagers living paycheck to paycheck and I’ve never been married. Now I understand that not all marriages are sunshine and roses. Heck, I don’t think any marriage is sunshine and roses. But one of these days I would like to get married and have that sense of peace that some of you are lucky enough to have of being able to go home and have a man there that will listen, shoulder a bit of responsibility here and there, take that Honey Do List from you (even if he has no intention of completing one single task on that list), and just plane being there for you. I don’t have that. I’ve never had that. I really wouldn’t mind trying it on for size before I turn eighty-seven, suffer from dementia and not be able to appreciate what I had even if it bit me on the ass.

I know, I know, some of you are reading this with your eyes bugging out of your head, shaking that head in amazement and mentally composing your rebuttal.

Stop.

Before you respond, take just a moment to ponder your life if you had no one to come home to…..ever. Can you imagine how lonely some of your evenings would be? Can you imagine the extra burden you would be taking on by being alone? I’m not speaking of escaping a dysfunctional relationship; I’m speaking of not having that man beside you. That man that loves you even when you berate him for a job poorly done. That man you roll your eyes at when he asks where the remote control sitting right there on the coffee table is that he’s been looking for for two hours and can’t find. That man that no matter how big the laundry hamper is fails to get his underwear and socks in the basket. That man that keeps you awake all night with his snoring. Wouldn’t it be lonely with no one to listen to your bitch sessions?

Take my word, it is.

Man….I am in a pissy mood today.

3 comments:

Heather said...

I got a small taste of being a single parent for a few days back in November when my hubby was out of town. It sucked - I knew it would be hard, but I have nothing but the utmost respect and admiration (adolation?) for single parents. I have no idea how you accomplish a thing! Having someone to share burdens with is most excellent, you're correct...but it's better to wait and find the (nearly) perfect person than to have to go through hell and split up. My husband was 40 when we got married (his first, no less), and we couldn't be happier. I'm glad he waited for me!

MadMad said...

You're absolutely right - it is much easier having another grown up around; in fact, we always joke we could use a third! I hope you find someone awesome some day - you certainly seem worthy of someone great!

umm... said...

It definitely is easier having someone around. It might not mean much, but when it is meant to happen for you, it will. I know it feels like it'll never happen, but kind people like you do get rewarded in time :)