Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Cultural Events In A Small Southern Town

I live in what most of you would deem “Small Town America”. Not only does ours embrace a small town atmosphere, but that small town happens to be in the Deep South.

It’s not really as bad as it sounds, at least not most of the time. Standing in line at the grocery store there’s never a stranger in front or behind you. Cars actually come to a stop and let you cross at designated crossing zones; zones that are at random spots along the streets and not at street corners. You get a bit of road rage due to the fact the “engineers” that designed the roadways here in Tallahassee were a group of men from ADDA, the National Attention Deficit Disorder Association. Here is an example of their handiwork:

All in all our “Florida With a Southern Accent” of a town is a mighty great place to live. Unless you enjoy the opera, symphony, or any type of museum that does not include trailer parks, camouflage, or NASCAR. Scanning the local events calendar for ANYthing to do this weekend that would get me out of the house and away from housework I was reminded that cultural activities are on a good day….lacking.

How can this be? Tallahassee is the capital of Florida; they must have some wonderful events not only in the city but in the surrounding areas as well. Let’s take a look at some of our annual events that draw the largest crowds and bring in the most revenue:

Red Hills Horse Trials – This event is a World Cup Qualifier and part of the USEA Gold Cup Series that takes place in our area every March. The Horse Trials features a cross-country course, a variety of formidable obstacles, including water, banks and ditches, which wind through an arboretum. (Translation: Horses carrying riders across the landscape while jumping over stuff.) Raise your hand if you want to go to an outside event just as our mosquito season is beginning to watch a horse run by every 45 minutes. It’s almost as bad as a NASCAR race!

Next we have the Redneck Games. This includes redneck horseshoes (the tossing of toilet seats for accuracy), butt crack contests, armpit music, mud pit belly flops, and bobbin’ for pigs feet. CLASSY!

What?!?! This isn’t the event for you?

How about the Mullet Festival, Mule Days, Rattlesnake Round-Up, or Po’ Boys Annual Crawfish Festival. I’ll tell you this, we never lack for a reason to celebrate with food. And speaking of food, some of my favorite festival foods include anything that fits in a giant vat of oil to be deep-fried, food items derived from pork, and funnel cakes. This weekend I will be celebrating in the “cozy” little town of Havana, Florida (Pronounced HAY-vanna) browsing the vendors and artisans at the Havana Bead, Jewelry, & Art Extravaganza.

WOO HOO and YEEHAW…..wish you were here!

I will say that even our calendar of events doesn’t have something as fabulous as the Roadkill Cook-Off in Marlinton, West Virginia.


Attila The Mom said...

What in the world do they serve at Mullet festivals? LOL

Melissaria said...

That made me laugh. My town is the UK equivalent I think. At the weekend you can go to a car boot sale, or a ramble, or a jumble sale. And that's about it. It's crap. I can't wait to move to a town with not one, but two actual theatres (alright, so they only stage tribute bands and rude comedians, but it's a start!)

Mrs. R said...

...and I thought Minnesota's Spam Museum was bad...

Queen Goob said...

Attila - Mullet is actually a type of fish. Here along the Gulf Coast the most commonly found are stripped and white mullet. Different types of mullet are found all over the world. YUMMY!

Mel - A ramble? A jumble? Sounds like the equivalent to either a flea market or a bazaar. Lots of good deals there and I love shopping street vendors!

Mrs. R.....it IS bad. LOL

Anonymous said...

Oh boy, I gotta move out there...I mean, that Mullet Festival is something I gotta see. Maybe I can even enter? My hair is soooo bad lately.

At least you don't have homeless people grabbing at you every day...in San Francisco, they are like our mosquitos...it's kinda sad.

catscratch diva said...

Oh hell yes! Count me in for the Redneck Games... even if I'm just a spectator.