Tuesday, August 12, 2008

What The Hell Kind of Southern Family Reunion Was That?

The day before the spawn and I left for our end of the summer hoorah family vacation, we spent the day at Wakulla Springs attending a family reunion. As I mentioned before, many of these family members traveled from AlaBAMa, Mississippi, South Carolina, and Georgia. I was so excited about the photo opportunities and stories this gathering would provide that I peed my pants just thinking about it a couple of days before the event.

It was not what I was expecting.

No missing teeth, protruding ears, lopsided eyes, or clubbed feet. Oh no indeed. Instead, we had three carat diamond rings living in four thousand square foot homes. We had Cadillac and BMW’s; Prada and Coach, Manolo Blahnik and Via Spiga. Where were the overalls and suspenders, the lower lip full of dip, and the inbred children of Uncle Cletus and Aunt Pearl? People, this was NOT the South we see in the MGM featured horror movie of the week. This was not Wrong Turn or its sequel. This was a party for a group of Southern Antebellum women minus the hooped skirts and parasols. My nephew is currently ranked thirteenth in the nation for pre-calculus so I didn’t even get a taste of slow-wittedness from cousin Earl.

I was so disappointed.

All I got was this; a picture of a picture of a man and wife no one knew or remembered. But what a great picture, huh?
Where WERE you guys?!?!?!?
________________________________________
On a side note, I took a bunch of pictures of the Springs. It’s a beautiful place of raw beauty bursting with wildlife. I’ll be posting some of the pictures on my photo blog but thought you guys would get a kick outta this.

This is a picture from the pier within the swimming area (note the floating cone in the lower right-hand corner.) But wait! What do mine eyes behold?

Let’s focus in a bit closer, shall we?
You got it, that’s an eight foot alligator gliding through the waters just beyond the swimming hole.

Reason #2 why I don’t go swimming in Wakulla Springs.

26 comments:

just bob said...

Geez... and I was hoping for tales of moonshining, noodling, and cousin swaping.

Sully Sullivan said...

Honestly, that really sucks. I've always wanted to go to like a "hoe-down" or whatever you call it just filled to the brim with the hickiest hillbilly bastards ever assembled. I think the blogging opportunities would be endless.

Jess said...

Well that's a bummer! Family reunions really should be all about the great god-awful pictures you take...and then they go and get all fancy on ya!

Mrs. R said...

Sorry the family reunion didn't provide the blogging fodder you were quite hoping for. On the bright side, you still have teenagers.

I love that the only thing swimming in the swimming area is an alligator. You'd think the parks department or something would at least build a barrier to keep the alligators out if they're going to let humans in.

whatigotsofar said...

So, lemme get this straight, you're upset that at the family reunion you attended, there were no Southern stereotypes, only the cultural elite showing off their eliteness.

But there was still an opossum throwing contest, right?

LceeL said...

Is it just me, or does that look like a huge penis floating in the water?

catscratch said...

I think most of my relatives are backwoods, but have some sense of style now days.

INNER VOICES said...

swimming area, heh heh...

Queen Goob said...

Bob – Cousin swapping didn’t happen because most were just a touch older – like 20+ years. I go for guys younger than me *roar*. And no noodling, that hurts if you don’t have the proper protective gear.

Sully – I KNOW!!! I was pissed!

Jess – Yeah – some were from YOUR neck of the woods. You’d think they’d know better!

Mrs. R. – That rope? That’s the barrier. Welcome to Florida!

WIGSF – No ‘possum toss and no bobbin’ fer pigs feet, either……bastards!

Lou – Nope, not just you, and that thing is BIG! Thank you Baby Jesus, A-men.

Diva – So they shop at Target instead of Wal-Mart and K-Mart now? MINE TOO!

IV – Hey guys, the water’s fine, come on in!

just bob said...

I notice you refuted the cousin swapping and noodling but didn't comment on the moonshining... LOL

Queen Goob said...

Look, I'm a preacher's kid and all that but I can only be SOOOO good!

Bee said...

Dang it! I was hoping to hear some wrastlin’ stories!!

Maybe next time you could start the shenanigans??

Quickroute said...

What no toothless freaks and dueling banjo music - shucks :-((
At least there was some danger and excirement with the Aligator

Alice said...

I'm gonna have to come back to read your stuff (promise! but I felt I must declare that my sister's guess was Phury. I'm a total Rhage gal. He seems like the one I could be dorky with. OK - really, I'd take any of them.) ; )

Alice said...

OK - back again. The springs look gorgeous and I wouldn't swim in them either. How scary.

Alice said...

Tired of me yet?

Have you read 'Acheron'?

Queen Goob said...

No, of course I'm not tired of you yet.....and your sister needs to start writing. We need more Southern stories from Yankees.

And yeah, yeah, yeah, tame the beast and all that jazz, I hear ya! I’ll take the dark, brooding one covered in tattoos, thank you.

And no - see here's the problem. I read books in order and this is the latest of what, twelve or thirteen? Do I have to read them in order? Do you suggest I read them in order? I hate not knowing so I just don't start. (I have about four of them, just not the first.)

Queen Goob said...

HOLY CRAP - THERE'S LIKE TWENTY SOMETHING OF THOSE BOOKS!

Random Chick said...

Now, did all those three-carat-diamond-ring-wearing-Cadillac cousins have big hair? Because I think big hair is the new "overalls" in the South. Seriously. The last time I was in Mississippi I practically choked on all the hair spray fumes.

Anyway, sorry you didn't get to see you own family version of "Deliverance." Times. They are a changin'.

Alice said...

Unfortunately, I would say it would be better to read them in order.

Sherrilyn Kenyon's stuff is sorta light-n-easy, very formulaic, hot studs, etc. Sometimes a bit repetitive, but there are characters I definitely like and follow. I'd say these are more get-from-the-library rather than purchase type books. But Acheron is pretty damned hot throughout and probably your cup of tea. ; )

catscratch said...

Target and the Dollar General Market, baby!

HappyHourSue said...

My husband gets really annoyed with me now because he can tell I use every family outing to scan for blog material.

Megan said...

How disappointing.

Evil Genius said...

Oh dear. My dad has some "roots" in Kentucky, and he's got a few pictures of ancestors that closely resemble the couple in the photo you show here. In fact, they might be my kin.

Oh dear.

Magpie said...

yikes - i wouldn't go swimming there either.

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