Thursday, November 20, 2008

Does Anyone Have A Dance Hall Girl Outfit I Can Borrow?

The season of big meals and long naps are finally upon us. The King and I are leaving next week to travel north unto the snow and icy encrusted tundra for to bringeth his life’s possessions unto our kingdom. Yeah, we’re driving the gas-guzzling SUV to his former homestead and bringing the rest of his belongs down to Florida. Or should I have said “all” of his belongings considering he arrive with a suitcase, two small duffle bags, and his laptops. He has a house in Ohio out in the country… really, it’s in rural farm country…..but we both feel that any “big ticket” items should not be stored out there for numerous reasons. Therefore, we are renting a big trailer to hitch the behemoth “Gawain” (that’s what I named my Expedition) in order to fill it with The King’s bountiful property and transport it back home. Or what he is now calling home until he decides he can’t take the tedious life here in our small southern town and runs kicking and screaming back to Ohio.

So I bet you guys are asking what kind of “big ticket” items does The King have in Ohio that we don’t want to store in an empty house. Well, as almost all of his antique furnishings were lost in a flood, he is left with the following:

An extensive movie collection (to add to my extensive movie collection which I am very excited about)

An extensive music collection

The rest of his clothing

A desk

A chair

A pool table

Two video arcade games

Lots of Christmas decorations

Now I know this doesn’t sound like a lot but here we have The Queen’s dilemma. I have lived in the same house for roughly eighteen years. I have brought with me, added, taken in, adopted, whatever you want to call it……enough shit to fill two houses and a barn. We live in Florida where the houses do not have basements and rarely have an attic. I have neither. Here is my house:

I am not an architect, interior designer, or decorator so the picture above is the best I can do under those futile circumstances. What I wanted you to notice, however, is that I HAVE NO ROOM!!!!! I have no room for “big ticket” items. So here’s the problem: I need assistance in figuring out where the hell to put a game room. You guys have probably guessed that each room has more than enough furniture (ignore the picture it's not perfectly accurate; there’s plenty in each of the rooms.) If I turn the Florida room into a game room where in the house is it quiet enough for an office and a fold-out couch should we have over-night visitors? The back porch is not closed-in so I don’t want furniture or electrical items out in the humidity or I’ll get electrocuted as I drink my morning coffee and I really do like my straight hair. That weird rectangle to the left of what is suppose to be the bed in the master bedroom is actually a closet so that won’t work. UUGH!

I know we’ll figure it out and it’s important that The King have his own personal space so that he feels at home but…….do you understand where I’m coming from? He’s such a wonderful guy and I want him to feel at home but the only thing I can think of is turning the pool table into a dining room table when not in use and I’m just not really cool with that unless I were able to hang a flashing Budweiser sign from the dining room ceiling. DAMN, I should have bought that one I saw at a garage sale a couple of weeks ago.

Yea, the first thing you see when you walk into the house is the pool hall. Who needs a dining room – we eat in the kitchen! I already have a piano in there for musical entertainment and the party ball may be gone but I have a refillable keg in the garage. Whatcha think? Pool room in the middle of the house? Feel free to make a suggestion or two if you want; I will gladly take any and all under consideration at this point.


Kimberly A. Suta said...

Pretty dog picture!
I would love for your blog to be a part of – the world’s first blog-to-film competition. It’s free! All u do is link this blog to for a chance to win 2,000!

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Memarie Lane said...

wow kimberly a suta gets around! and here i felt all special.

when i was in florida i noticed that the houses were very small. a lot of people turned their garages into bedrooms, but they were still very small even with that.

Giggle Pixie said...

Oooooh, wouldn't it be cool if you could cut a square in your living room floor, then dig it out about 6feet down, and rig it so the pool table would sit there and when you wanted to play you would push a button, the floor would open up, and the pool table would raise up so you could play in the living room?

That would be soooooo awesome!

Queen Goob said...

Kim - Thanks....but no thanks.

Marie - I actually have between 1900 and 2000 sq ft so it's not terribly small. Big rooms but absolutely no closet space.

Evil - That would be awesome if we weren't so close to sea level. OOOOO, like a medieval drawbridge with chains and planks; that would be cool, too!

Megan said...

Yeah, we don't want a sinkhole deveoping!

I say go for the pool hall look! What the hell! Or, if you really don't want a pool table, you could always sabotage it on it's way back from O-hi-o...I'm sure you could think of something...

Megan said...

Um that word was "developing" but I don't know what happened to the L. Darned disappearing L's!

just bob said...

Where's the basement?

Mrs. R said... attached are you to your garage? 'Cuz you could always turn that into a game room and park the vehicles outside...

R2K said...

: )

Cece said...

You know, Mrs. R is on to something. Our garage houses our boat. It takes up the entire garage because it has to go in there sideways, so we our two car garage is actually big enough for one boat and a bunch of crap.

LceeL said...

I wish I could help, Darlin'. My son and his wife have a top for their pool table so that it turns into a dining room table on demand.

Practically Joe said...

On behalf of Rodney, the Practically Wisdom Blog Team would like you to know that he greatly enjoys reading your posts and commenting on them.

Unfortunately Rodney, sorry, I mean Practically Joe, has been heavily sedated for a long period of time now, following an accident which left him with two broken ribs and a number of minor injuries.

He has been coming along fine and asked the team to post an account of the incident, which went up today.

We have great expectations that he shall return soon, as good as new. He wishes you and every blogger Great Thanksgiving Holiday.

Thank You.
The Practically Wisdom Blog Team.

Sully Sullivan said...

Are the other two bedrooms occupied? One could be turned into some sort of games room for the arcade games and pool table.

In addition your house has just become like 1000% cooler with a pool table and arcade games.


*looks around*

um... where is the stainless steel pole? um, no go-go girl cages?

*gets on phone and starts ordering items*

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