Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Hey There Buddy....Whatcha Packin'?

Does your significant other do the same thing mine does? When you ask a simple question, for example “How was your day?”, you get the typical “Fine,” thrown back in your face. I know, I hate that too. I would even love for him to make up a story every once in a while just to bring some excitement into my day.

King Dork returned home on Monday after a long weekend spent in Ohio with family and friends. I asked how his trip was and he responded “I almost missed my flight but you already know that.” Why yes I do considering you called and woke me up at 5:30 a.m. He called to ask me to look on his itinerary to see what airline he was flying. He had gone to the Delta counter but they couldn’t find him. Same thing at the Northwest, Continental, and Southwest airline counters as well. I booted up the handy-dandy laptop, pulled up the e-mailed itinerary, and promptly informed him of his airline, flight time, and flight number.

“Thanks Honey!! Can’t wait to see you!!”

Yesterday King Dork cc’d me on an e-mail he sent to his mom in which he told her about his trials and tribulations of his travel home to Florida from Ohio. He didn’t include all the good stuff when he told me he “almost missed his flight”.…I’ve left most of his message intact:

“Brother” sent a birthday present for you. I wish he would have mailed it since it really caused issues at the security check at the airport. It was ok; I had one heck of an ordeal getting to my plane to come home, though.

First of all I woke up a little late, not real late though, just late. I showered and dressed, got out on the road a little later than I wanted but still had plenty of time. I went to the gas station to fill the rental with gas.

It wouldn't fill.

The darn nozzle kept cutting out anytime a good flow of gas started. I tried multiple positions of the dispenser but nothing worked. So, after literally squeeze squeeze squeeze, I was able to get about 6 gallons into it and then it dawned on me, why don't I try another pump. I went to another pump and sure enough same thing however, this time after fooling with it some, I was able to get a small stream to continuously flow through it. Less than a gallon into it, it started spewing out of the hole you fill. So I turned it off and said the heck with it, it’s full enough... even though I know the tank wasn't full.

I drove to the airport and of course at 5:20 in the morning there’s no one to check the rental car in. So, I turned the keys in at a drop box with the hope they won't overcharge me. I then move on to the airport and arrive at the Delta counter. The auto check-in cannot find my itinerary. I ask about a flight and inadvertently give a wrong departure time, my bad, and of course he replies telling me nothing goes to Atlanta at 6:22. My flight was at 6:10.

So I got to Northwest to see if I am on that flight. NOPE.

Go to Continental, NOPE.

Go to US Air, NOPE.

Did I mention that I never printed out my itinerary? So, I call Marnie and wake her up pleading for help. She boots her computer and finds out it is a Delta flight that I am on... So now its 5:45 and I have a 6:10 flight. YIKES they should be boarding RIGHT NOW!!!!

I run back, ok fast walk for me, to the Delta counter and luckily get one of the ladies to help me. Within minutes I have my boarding pass then ask her if I have enough time to make the flight, she responds with “Yes, you should.” I hurry like a herd of turtles to the security gate and ask the guy there validating your ID to your itinerary if I can go through the VIP line as my flight leaves shortly and I want to make sure I don’t miss it. He said yes since my time was so close so I go through the VIP line, get my bag, laptop, and all of the other stuff I have on the conveyor. I get through and the guy is holding my bag up, “Whose bag is this?”


I respond stating it’s mine.

“I need to look at something in it,” he says. I don't want to give your present away, but let’s just say what you are getting resembles C-4 explosives, Howitzer casings, large projectiles, rifle grenades and/or anti-tank mines when viewed in the security x-ray machine.


So the guy asks if he can examine the bag….uhm, can I really say NO? SURE! Go ahead look in there; take a look-see at my dirty underwear and clothing! Go for it!

He finds your birthday present in the box it came in and took it out. Since the box is taped, he hunts for something to open it with....HUNT HUNT HUNT…and I’m thinking “Hey man, I’m in a hurry here, can you speed it up???” I look for my keys but cannot find them. I look for anything to assist but can find nothing because oh wait, I’m in line at security and they have everything I own INCLUDING my dirty underwear. Finally the security guy finds scissors. He opens the box up and proceeds to swab your gift down. “Oh, I need to run this and your carry-on bag through the scanner again.”


So the guy runs everything through the scanner one last time and guess what? Yup, it all checks out now. “Do you want me to wrap your present back up?” he asks.

UHM NO!!! I’ll take care of it, THANKS I think as I politely tell him “No, thank you.”

I quickly throw everything back into the bags and turtle herd it down six gates, three newsstands, and two restaurants to where my gate is. I come around the corner and SAINTS BE PRAISED, the door is still open. SWEET!! So winded I step up and ask if I may board. The lady responded, “Of course you can.” I get on the plane, find my seat, put my stuff away, and say a lucky prayer as I wasn't the last one on the plane. One other guy followed me. So no one can blame me for the plane departing late.

Oh, I forgot to mention that it had snowed most of Sunday and part of Monday so guess what had to be done before we could take off - we had to de-ice the plane!


However, once we got into the air the rest of my trip improved. Had enough time to make the connector and was delayed a bit due to fog in Atlanta but we were able to take off and get home just 16 minutes later than scheduled. :) Ok, that got a lot longer than I had anticipated, but I think you will find humor out of it.

Wow…..did you see how much he wrote his mom? No really, did you SEE HOW MUCH HE WROTE HIS MOM?!?!? I think next time I ask him about his day I’ll request the turtle herd version.


CSY said...

FIRST!!! Ok, maybe that's not fair because I WAS on the phone with you when you were putting the final touches on this. Knowing King Dork - I'm not surprised you got the shorter version...its his MOM!!!
Of course, being his Queen, he did the RIGHT thing by cc'ing you on the e-mail - otherwise you never WOULD have known about his dirty underwear...oh wait, he lives with you...ok, last comment was stupid, but I had a point in there somewhere...
Um, if you find it - can you let me know what it was? Thanks! Love ya!!!

kylie said...

oh boy, do i know this story.....
my better half gets on the phone to his family, i say "how are they?" ok he says
"any news?" no

he takes an hour to say nothing?

there have been babies born, cancers diagnosed, kids graduate and all he ever tells me is that there is no news


Jess said...

LMAO! That was hilarious! I especially like the face the security x-ray guy is giving in that photo. Very intimidating.

Gladys said...

Tell him that they usually detain you for a strip search when you are trying to smuggle the Pink Petal Power Vibrator in your carry on. Oooops did I ruin the surprise for his mom?

Giggle Pixie said...

That was hysterical! And gee, he gets a case of diarrhea mouth for mommy, huh? lolol Don't feel bad, my hubby is the same.exact.way. We'll be over there and he'll be spilling all kinds of shit - the latest news from his daughter (at college) or his best friend (who's a friend of the family as well) and I'm sitting there fuming 'cause I'm thinking, "Hey! You never told me that!!" hehehe

Cowguy said...

Hah! Great story.

I try to communicate with mom as little as possible.


Bee said...

Ha ha! That was great! My hubs is like that too. There are big things he should go into detail about but other like lets say COMIC BOOKS where I don't need an earful but get one anyway. MEN! ;o)

just bob said...

My day was fine too.

Karen ^..^ said...

So... what? Are you supposed to just KNOW what happened? Does he assume you read his mind and realize all that happened by his single, monosyllabic "fine"???

Men... Can't live with 'em... Can't shoot 'em.

Megan said... no significant other and I'm the mom.

But it is pretty damn funny when the offspring and I comment on each other's Facebook status from a room away...

Mrs. R said...

Hey, have you also noticed that your significant other is where information goes to die? Like, if his mother were to tell him an important piece of information, that someone was seriously ill in the family, for example, what are the odds that piece of information would ever make its way back to you?

You're not alone. I find out about my husband's life by listening to his end of the conversations between him and his friends.

Anonymous said...