Hospital Decorum

I received a call from my sister, “She Wishes She Looked Like Angelina Jolie But She’s Doesn’t and I Don’t Have The Nerve To Tell Her”, letting me know that Mom’s surgery went well and that they were in a recovery room awaiting to be moved to a hospital room for the duration of Mom’s stay. SWSLLAJBSDAIDHTNTTH was bored and was wondering how soon it would be before I went to the hospital to sit with her in utter and total boredom because come on, who wants to be bored alone?

I changed out of my flamingo pajamas and into more appropriate clothing, grabbed my current Kylar Stern book, threw some snacks into my duffle bag posing as a purse, and headed out to the hospital just moments from my home. When I arrived I found that they had already moved Mom to her room so I wound my way up to the fifth floor and found where they had dumped her. As I walked in the room, I noticed the blank stare upon my sister’s face.

“DUDE!!!! What is up?” I whispered.

She swings around to face me and groans, “Oh. My. Lord….I am so glad you’re here! You have no idea how bored I am!”

I gently reminded her that I had been in that same pair of shoes just three months earlier so yes, I DID know how bored she was. The only difference, and it was a big one, was that I had to do it alone so SWSLLAJBSDAIDHTNTTH must owe me a six pack for my suffering. She relented because, well, because she’s nicer than I am.

As Mom was still asleep we thought it best to remain as quiet as we possibly could. This is not an easy thing when the two of us get together but we did our very best…for Mom. We pulled out our books and tried to read for about four minutes. We rearranged Mom’s bedside table for maximum usage so that she could grab what she needed after we left. We read for another three and a half minutes, twiddle our thumbs, squirmed in our seats, and finally realized this whole quiet thing was more difficult than anticipated. We looked around for things to amuse us and then there…right before our eyes…we – saw – this!

There it was, sitting prettily in my purse, my camera. I looked at SWSLLAJBSDAIDHTNTTH, she looked at me and both of us started to giggle. Now the two of us giggling in itself can cause a great deal of ruckus because I snort when I laugh really hard and her laugh is the antithesis of subtle.

First we had to make sure our giggling didn’t awaken Mom.

Whew cause quite frankly we were loud.

First I made her pose.

Then she made me pose.

(Anyone else notice that the hospital hung the picture above the bed upside down?)

I’m snorking, she’s sniggering, both of us making WAY too much noise.

“CRAP, did we wake her up?” I desperately try to whisper.

“OMG…….do you think she’s dead? Go poke her and see if she wakes up.”

“I’m not poking her YOU poke her.”

“No YOU poke her!”

“No YOU poke her!”

“I’m not poking her but I see her breathing so we’re still good….WHEW!” we both sigh in relief.

“HEY! I see you got a pedicure recently, SWSLLAJBSDAIDHTNTTH, that looks good? Who does your toes?”

“Leilie over at Joe’s place, didn’t she do a good job?”

“Wait, that one’s blurry, show me again,” I ask of her.

“Hooker red looks good on you!”

“I know,” she replies

More snickering and giggling….. and then she shh’s me! SHE SHH’S ME!

“SSHHHHH, you’re gonna wake her up!” She insists.

“SWSLLAJBSDAIDHTNTTH, she hasn’t moved in like forty-five minutes, I think we’re safe,” I grumble.

“Hey SWSLLAJBSDAIDHTNTTH, you know how our teenaged daughters take pictures of themselves for Facebook? I’m gonna do a self portrait just for you, ‘kay?”

“SHIT!!! The flash is still on! I blinded myself! Holy Toledo, I really need to pluck my brows.”

SWSLLAJBSDAIDHTNTTH grabs the camera and tells me I’m a reject and that she can do better.

LOL – the flash is still on…..and she calls me a reject!

“Do it again! Do it again!” I appeal in the quietest voice I can manage.

SNAP

CLICK

“OOHHHHH, you’re good!” I tell her. “Here, let me! Let Me!” I insist.

“I turned the flash off! Crap!”

BAD

WORSE

“I’m not doing it right.”

By now we’re laughing so hard the nurses passing the room outside in the hallway are looking in to see what’s going on. SWSLLAJBSDAIDHTNTTH and I are holding our noses while laughing so as not to make too much noise. This makes us spray spittle all over the place which makes us laugh harder.

“SSHHHHH!!!! She’s gonna wake up!!!” I inform my sister.

Not while she’s on morphine we won’t!

With stomachs hurting from laughing too hard we quietly….or NOT so quietly…put away the camera with the hopes of recovering our decorum.

But not for long!