"Oid" Words Suck

Oh my goiter, I am such a goob. Yesterday morning I awoke to a bit of a pain in my back due to sleeping kinda wacky-wacky all over King Dork (we’re both cuddlers). To escape the blinding, excruciating pain in the “twist and sit up” move it takes each morning to get out of bed, I rolled around and sat up stiff backed to compensate for the back ache.

Oh my goiter, I am such a goob. In performing the breath-taking stiff-backed avoid the back pain body-lift, I wretched a muscle in my neck. An inch or two behind my ear, down the left side of my neck and not stopping until that muscle runs into the clavicle. That mother f***ing muscle called the sternocleidomastoid.

Sternocleidomastoid. Let’s take a look at this word and break it down to see exactly what type of pain I’m talking about.

STERNO = fire
CLEIDOMAST = large horse stomping en “mas” which directly controls the weight bearing down on said muscle.
OID = Do I need to explain that every word I could come up with that ended in “oid” truly, TRULY sucks. i.e. hemorrhoid, humanoid, rhomboid (I hated geometry), android (they’re really spooky, like stuffed clown spooky), factoid – wait, I like that word so scratch it from the list – you get my drift, “oid” words suck.

So here I sit in my ergonomically designed office chair with my keyboard at a 90º angle for maximum comfort and still I suffer in silence.

Okay, so maybe not total and complete silence but I’m trying.

I brought with me today copious provisions in an attempt to keep the “owies” at bay. Here we have Myoflex, Dolgit Crème, IcyHot, a store brand equivalent of extra strength Tylenol, Aleve, and a “heat it in the microwave” lavender rice bag. For all of my suggestions to blogosphere friends, I do not take a lot of prescription drugs. I have no pain killers, no muscle relaxers, no pills, shots, or snake oils of any kind. May I take this moment to let you know this morning, my second morning of dealing with the pulled-muscle-it-really-hurts-neck pain, I would have had no problems whatsoever of turning in to a prescription drug addict? I would have gladly horked back a few Vicodin and chased them with a shot of tequila followed closely by a couple of Percocet, Skelaxin, Darvocet, and for a good night’s sleep a small dose of Amobarbital.

Oh my goiter, I am such a douche bag…if it weren’t for the horrendously frightening side effects and reactions I have had to any and every prescription pain killer I ever allowed past my lips I think I would at this moment be laying prone on the floor of my office, my head resting comfortably upon the hideously ugly carpeting and drooling out of the right side of my mouth.

Let’s hope that damn lavender rice bag works.

UPDATE:

Neck doing MUCH better thanks for your thoughts and well wishes!