Wednesday, December 17, 2008

It's Practically Christmas!

Bee over at Bee’s Musings has opened her heart and started a Christmas tradition to end all traditions. This fun-filled and magical gift exchange brings enchantment back into this dreary and dismal season. No money leaving your pocket, no last minute shopping for that gift you totally forgot you were required to bring to the office holiday party, no wracking of your brain as to what to purchase for your mother because she’s one of those people that goes out and buys everything on her Christmas list before Thanksgiving dinner has fully digested. No my friends, this is a gift exchange that will bring a tear to your eye.

If you were lucky enough to join in the fun, all you had to do was “post a picture of what you would have gotten that person if you had money and you know, cared.” The first round of secret Santas looked like they had lots of fun. I missed that round but was so excited I peed my pants a little when I saw she was hosting a second round. After popping off and e-mail, Lovely Bee sent me the name of the recipient of my Secret Santa gift.

I was frenzied and filled with excitement when I saw that I was Secret Santa to Practically Joe. Amazingly enough I “know” Joe. Joe is a funny guy that adores his wife and family and having read most of his blogs I grabbed my imagination and went on a shopping spree.

Joe is anal retentive. He hangs his clothing in OCD order. Joe uses wire hangers and in this day and age, these are unacceptable. However, even though those wire hangers DRIVE ME NUTS I understand why he uses them so instead of insisting upon the use of plastic hangers, I though of getting this for Joe:

Not only is this a great conversation piece, but it’s completely made up of white plastic hangers. Unfortunately, this piece was purchased before I could grab my checkbook and scream in agony at the price as David Mach is a highly sought after artist.

I then thought of a Garmin for those road trips he and his wife take so he doesn’t have to draw and follow his own maps anymore.

Example of what a Garmin can do:

Example of a map Joe drew:

With the Garmin, Joe can even teach Mrs. Joe how to program in the location of coffee shops around town so that all it takes for directions to the closest coffee shop is a press of a button. (You’re in like Flint with THAT one, Joe.)

But wait…..even better……Mrs. Joe likes to frequently stop for coffee while she and Joe are out and about running errands so why not have an in-car coffee maker installed in his car so that Joe doesn’t ever have to stop for coffee again! (Joe, this gift will SO get you laid.)

But alas, that’s more of a gift for Mrs. Joe so on to the next idea.

I thought about the Screaming Chicken but if he were to play with this in the car while Mrs. Joe was making a cup of coffee, it would be a disaster in the making.

I then thought about getting Practically Joe a Yip Yip because come on people, Yip Yips are practically funny!
Sold out……..oh well.

I don’t know if Joe has a cat, but if he does I thought about getting him one of these. If he doesn’t have a cat I think this would look great on one of the grandkids, don’t you?
Then I remembered…Joe is still recovering from an unfortunate accident. Our conqueror of boredom, our slayer of apathy, our illustrious hero fell off a ladder. Poor guy….broken ribs, broken spirit, the works.

So with much love and wishes for a less painful year I pre-registered Joe for an OSHA training class which covers “ladder safety". No really, click on the link I’ve provided and test away!

CLICK ON THIS LINK TO TAKE YOUR SAFETY CLASS, JOE

I’ve also reformatted the follow safety poster so that all Joe needs to do is click on the picture for a “printer friendly” copy to hang in his garage for future reference.

Last but not least, I went out on a limb and did a little research because hey, I’m cool like that. For Joe we have the ComforTech 3-D Full Body Harness. This harness attaches to a ladder and provides you with:

Three D-rings (Fall Arrest and Positioning).
5-Point Adjustability.
Quick-Connect Buckle Leg Straps.
Padded Shoulder Yoke.
Twin Butt Pads.
Waist Pad/Positioning Assembly with Lumbar Support.
Extreme Duty, Removable Work belt.
2 Lanyard Keepers.
Polyester Webbing holds up to 7,300 pounds.

Gotta get the rope, too, or what good would the harness do?

I think this will look FAB and as an added bonus, once donned it will fit snuggly across the chest and grasp your upper thighs gently lifting your groin area enhancing the size of your “sacagawea” making you look comparable in size to John Holmes.

Look Joe……NO HANDS!

So there you have it Joe, with lots of love and many a hug Queen Goob wishes you a happy and MOST healthy holiday!

Head on over to Bee's to take a looksee at other gift exchanges!

70 comments:

Leah said...

I wish I'd joined this swap. Best Idea ever. Your gift ideas are absolutely brilliant, and you made me smile and then giggle. No easy feat at this time of year!!!!

Maybe we should have a virtual holiday swap at the Wild Onion. Although, then again, maybe none of us have the energy for it...

Queen Goob said...

Leah....I think you may be on to something....and you KNOW everyone there would love to "show their love". Maybe we should run the idea by them?

If they say "no" we'll introduce them to Krampus.

just bob said...

Bah Humbug.

OK, I'll play.

Dr Zibbs said...

Excellent! You just gave me an idea for a post.

Bee said...

Haha haha! Wow! You went all out and I'm glad he will be safe from henceforth-eth.

Dr Zibbs said...

You my dear have been invited to pick a crappy gift for a sick person. See my blog for details.

Jaime said...

Great gifts.

I'm glad you liked yours. And hopefully Cocoa looked particularly tanned and buff when he arrived to work this morning. I've been telling him to work on his abs so he looked extra good when you guys met.

Megan said...

Wow! You DID go all out! Fantastic!

Quickroute said...

What a great idea! - I hate shopping for gifts as much as I hate getting crap that people think I want

LceeL said...

I don't know about Joe, but you would have had me with the coffee thing. Anything that'll get me laid is a showstopper as far as I'm concerned.

Chas said...

I'd pay good money for a yip yip. You didn't happen to notice if there was a waiting list, did you? A yip yip. That's hysterical.

Giggle Pixie said...

You are the BEST secret santa EVAH.

Joe had damn well better appreciate all his great gifts or I'll personally go stick those plastic hangers somewhere his OCD really wouldn't like him touching.

:-)

musing said...

You know, that wire hanger gorilla looks kinda like me when I'm overdue to change my estrogen patch.

Practically Joe said...

Well Queen Goob ... Those were the best gifts eva!
I must have just missed your post this morning ... I checked around the links at Bee's and never checked my E-mail. I was in too much of a rush before work.
When my wife and I came home from work tonight we rushed right over to the computer and had a great laugh. My wife really got a kick out of the whole thing.
Thank you so much for all the great and thoughtful gifts.
I'm going to go practice my ladder safety right now.
Merry Christmas.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for thinking of such thoughtful gifts for my parents!!! I think your ideas have hit them both right on the head! They do not own a cat...and I am the only daughter without a child...so by default I think I would get the silly Cat Hat...Mine will have to fight over who will wear it first!
I also wouldn't mind that in the car coffee maker for my trips with mom...then I could make her medium hot french vanilla coffee with 2 splendas and cream without turning off the highway for a DD!
Happy Holidays!

Queen Goob said...

Bob – you’re just mad I didn’t get to be YOUR Secret Santa…..

Dr. Z – I’m on it and will be posting here shortly.

Bee – This was the most fun I’ve ever had shopping for the holidays so THANKS!

Jaime – Cocoa says “hi”….and his abs were even oiled up for the occasion.

Megan – I think Leah had a great idea stealing this for the Onion, don’t you?

Quickie – I didn’t even have to go drinking before I went shopping this year – MOST excellent!

Lou – We all know you’re easy BUT this was a lot of fun!

Chas – There IS a waiting list but if you sign up now you should have yours by Valentine’s Day.

Pix – (and you know I typed Evil and deleted….) There are so many holidays and so much shopping we could do. That fez? Our thinking cap for future gift giving ideas.

Musing – I hope you refilled your prescription!

Joe – I am SO glad I had you for the gift exchange; it really did make a difference “knowing” who I was shopping for and the gift giving much more meaningful. And that coffee maker for Mrs. Joe? I think it’s a must! MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Practically Anonymous Daughter – Your parents are the best. I have so much fun reading your dad’s storied and your mom is a gem…putting up with them. The fez is yours by default so wear it and have a great holiday!

Prefers Her Fantasy Life said...

Great gifts!! I think you spent more time on this than I have in the real world of shopping. Well-done!

Guan said...

hi,do you do hangers business in your country?we have a patented hangers in china,maybe you would interest with it,please contact me for more information about it via info@hzcreal.com.and you can search the key word "nomi hangers" in google,you will find what amazing it is,tks!!!

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