It's Practically Christmas!

Bee over at Bee’s Musings has opened her heart and started a Christmas tradition to end all traditions. This fun-filled and magical gift exchange brings enchantment back into this dreary and dismal season. No money leaving your pocket, no last minute shopping for that gift you totally forgot you were required to bring to the office holiday party, no wracking of your brain as to what to purchase for your mother because she’s one of those people that goes out and buys everything on her Christmas list before Thanksgiving dinner has fully digested. No my friends, this is a gift exchange that will bring a tear to your eye.

If you were lucky enough to join in the fun, all you had to do was “post a picture of what you would have gotten that person if you had money and you know, cared.” The first round of secret Santas looked like they had lots of fun. I missed that round but was so excited I peed my pants a little when I saw she was hosting a second round. After popping off and e-mail, Lovely Bee sent me the name of the recipient of my Secret Santa gift.

I was frenzied and filled with excitement when I saw that I was Secret Santa to Practically Joe. Amazingly enough I “know” Joe. Joe is a funny guy that adores his wife and family and having read most of his blogs I grabbed my imagination and went on a shopping spree.

Joe is anal retentive. He hangs his clothing in OCD order. Joe uses wire hangers and in this day and age, these are unacceptable. However, even though those wire hangers DRIVE ME NUTS I understand why he uses them so instead of insisting upon the use of plastic hangers, I though of getting this for Joe:

Not only is this a great conversation piece, but it’s completely made up of white plastic hangers. Unfortunately, this piece was purchased before I could grab my checkbook and scream in agony at the price as David Mach is a highly sought after artist.

I then thought of a Garmin for those road trips he and his wife take so he doesn’t have to draw and follow his own maps anymore.

Example of what a Garmin can do:

Example of a map Joe drew:

With the Garmin, Joe can even teach Mrs. Joe how to program in the location of coffee shops around town so that all it takes for directions to the closest coffee shop is a press of a button. (You’re in like Flint with THAT one, Joe.)

But wait…..even better……Mrs. Joe likes to frequently stop for coffee while she and Joe are out and about running errands so why not have an in-car coffee maker installed in his car so that Joe doesn’t ever have to stop for coffee again! (Joe, this gift will SO get you laid.)

But alas, that’s more of a gift for Mrs. Joe so on to the next idea.

I thought about the Screaming Chicken but if he were to play with this in the car while Mrs. Joe was making a cup of coffee, it would be a disaster in the making.

I then thought about getting Practically Joe a Yip Yip because come on people, Yip Yips are practically funny!

Sold out……..oh well.

I don’t know if Joe has a cat, but if he does I thought about getting him one of these. If he doesn’t have a cat I think this would look great on one of the grandkids, don’t you?

Then I remembered…Joe is still recovering from an unfortunate accident. Our conqueror of boredom, our slayer of apathy, our illustrious hero fell off a ladder. Poor guy….broken ribs, broken spirit, the works.

So with much love and wishes for a less painful year I pre-registered Joe for an OSHA training class which covers “ladder safety". No really, click on the link I’ve provided and test away!

CLICK ON THIS LINK TO TAKE YOUR SAFETY CLASS, JOE

I’ve also reformatted the follow safety poster so that all Joe needs to do is click on the picture for a “printer friendly” copy to hang in his garage for future reference.

Last but not least, I went out on a limb and did a little research because hey, I’m cool like that. For Joe we have the ComforTech 3-D Full Body Harness. This harness attaches to a ladder and provides you with:

Three D-rings (Fall Arrest and Positioning).
5-Point Adjustability.
Quick-Connect Buckle Leg Straps.
Padded Shoulder Yoke.
Twin Butt Pads.
Waist Pad/Positioning Assembly with Lumbar Support.
Extreme Duty, Removable Work belt.
2 Lanyard Keepers.
Polyester Webbing holds up to 7,300 pounds.

Gotta get the rope, too, or what good would the harness do?

I think this will look FAB and as an added bonus, once donned it will fit snuggly across the chest and grasp your upper thighs gently lifting your groin area enhancing the size of your “sacagawea” making you look comparable in size to John Holmes.

Look Joe……NO HANDS!

So there you have it Joe, with lots of love and many a hug Queen Goob wishes you a happy and MOST healthy holiday!

Head on over to Bee's to take a looksee at other gift exchanges!