Thursday, June 5, 2008

Calling All Super Moms

It was hinted in a comment of an earlier post that as a mother I have “Super Powers”. I think it’s high time that mommies unite and become one with those powers that are at this moment lying dormant within our core.

I’ve made a list of all things powerful that we as mothers suppress; things that need to be brought to the forefront of our daily lives. Things to better the lives of those around us; the lives of our loved ones. Each of these powers should also be connected to a super-hero name so in the true effort to join together across our fabulous nation and beyond, I’ve started a list with the aspiration that you, my friends, will continue to add to it in the hopes that this world……our world, will be a better, safer, more extraordinary place for our offspring to thrive.

(This is where you stand tall, place one hand on your hip, salute with the other, and fix your eyes on the horizon.)

The Burnisher – She has the ability to spit into a tissue enough saliva to clean the faces of two dozen children.

Sackagawea – She is able to pack her entire family’s clothing and necessities into one backpack for a three week trek through the Carpathians.

Phlegm – She is capable of hocking a loogie large enough to match those spewed forth by volcanic eruption and hurling it through the atmosphere restraining unsuspecting victims where they stand.

The Impaler – She is able to slay large bugs from a distance of 4.3 miles.

The Eradicator – She is capable of obliterating any and all memories of the drunken imbecile she made of herself the previous evening.

Spew – She can relay all of her displeasure in one continuous non-interrupted string of profanity without insult or injury to innocent bystanders.

The Exterminator – She can slay an entire village with just one, small, flatulent discharge.

Skurrey – She has the ability to multitask no less than 463 things at one time.

Sinusoid – She can totally and completely block out all sound.

Delgada – No matter what she wears, she looks svelte. If she lets you borrow her clothing, so do you. She’s vain and self-absorbed but only when wearing her black latex cat suit with her thigh-high stiletto boots. (We at the Super Mom Command Center have limited this to once a month, twice during her birthday week.)

It’s your turn; The SMCC is seeking more comrades to add to our faction. Bring them one; bring them all. Nothing, and I mean nothing, should stand in the way of being the best mommies we can……….without going totally and completely insane.

To make YOUR OWN Superhero, go here just like Random Chick did!!!


Anonymous said...

AHA! The GRAPPLER is here to save the to hold ten million piles of schoolwork in one hand, healthy snacks including raisins and string cheese in the other, keys in the mouth, and an extra pair of clean clothes tucked under the chin! Sock it to me!!!

Check out my blog for the SuperHero I made...hee hee!

Mrs. R said...

If I don't have kids yet, can I still participate? Here's my contribution:

The Fumigator: She is able to withstand all foul stenches, thereby making her the only family member capable of cleaning up wayward puke, poop, spoiled food, and any other suspicious substance with a putrid odor.

Queen Goob said...

RC - There are SO many Super Mom's out there. I can't even remember all the things I did when the offspring were little. Teenage years involve a lot of bodily functions as you can see by my superpowers. Thank goodness I think all bodily functions are hysterical!

Mrs. have a husband - you can participate. (same thing, kids/husband husband/kids) Create a hero so we can post it.

Nice job on the Superhero!

Anonymous said...

The hocking a loogie comment grossed me out and then the spitting in a tissue to clean the young'uns brought a flash back to my own supermom who did the same as she squeezed our black heads out as teens!- hopefully I returned the fav of the gross out??

Bonnie said...

Liegress: Not only can she see what children are doing in another room when they tell her "nothing" when she asks what they are doing. She has the powers to deduce when her kids are lying right to her face.

MadMad said...

Oh, these are excellent! I'm not creative enough to come up with a new one - but I think you've got it all covered; they're great!

Queen Goob said...

Quick - Sorry 'bout the loogie thing; it's an artform. A zit about we give your mom the Superhero name of "Comedo”.

Bonnie – NICE! Now we need to design a costume for her; I’m visualizing strips. You?

MadMad – You? Not creative? That’s like saying I wasn’t good enough to breed with Satan to produce his spawn. I was and I did; you are and you can. Just toss back a couple of mojitos and let the games begin.

LceeL said...

Real SuperWomen don't wear costumes. Real SuperWomen don't wear anything at all. Which is what makes them Super.

WA said...

Love it.
And I'm at a loss to contribute. I think you nailed it.

Kelley said...

I am none of those things. Yet I am awesome. I am Teh Awesomenator.