Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Summer Jobs

I love my kids. No really, I do. They’re funny, inventive, creative, boisterous, argumentative, belligerent, cantankerous, hormonal, quarrelsome (but we call this petulant because it sounds way cooler)……..WAIT! I’m trying to tell you how great they are and I got side tracked by this morning’s “conversation” with my daughter as I was leaving for work. Yeah, early morning conversations with teenaged girls are my favorite. Goes well with a nice, hot cup of coffee. Lots of sugar and milk. In the coffee, not over my daughter’s head. Here I go digressing again…….that’s what I do people, and I do it oh so well!

Back to my opening comment; I love my kids. Now that final exams are over and school is out for the summer I had a brief moment of peace before I realized that SCHOOL WAS OUT FOR THE SUMMER! I’m not married. I work a full-time job in addition to my many mommythingsIdothatnooneelsecandobecausetheydon’tdothemright. Oh for the love of God what the hell am I going to do with the offspring?!?!?

We took this past weekend and spent it at the beach. I figured we all deserved a break. There you go guys, there’s your vacation! Hope you had a good time now get a job. Is that cruel?

Yea, I thought not.

Spawn is off to Pensacola to work with FAPOS for the next three weeks. One down, one to go.

Spawnette. Ahhhhh, Spawnette. *Big sigh*

“Sweet Pea? Have you thought about getting a job for the summer?”

“I’ll work at that shoe store by the lake.”

“Honey? Not gonna happen. You come by your shoe-whoreness naturally so nope, don’t even think about it.”

“I’ll work at the mall.”

“Sugar? How are you going to get there? You don’t drive and I work all day. On the other side of town. In the opposite direction. Is there anything close by that you would be happy doing?”


“Want to fill me in?”



“I wanna be a Movie Critic.”

“A Movie Critic? Now that is an aspiration I had not aimed for when I was 15. Tell me Sweetling, how are you going to become a movie critic?” (As I think to myself of her difficulties speaking, let alone writing, in complete sentences. And she wants to become a movie critic?!?!?)

“You know that list you made?”

“Which one? I’m a compulsive list maker.”

“The one you just updated.”

“That narrows it down to about twelve.”

“The color-coded one.”

“Oh, the updated list of our DVD’s?”


“And how does this help you get a job as a Movie Critic?”

“I’m gonna watch all the movies.”


“I’m gonna rate them for you. “

“That sounds arduous.”


“Never mind, go on.”

“I figure if I watch four movies a day everyday of summer break I can be done before school starts.”

“Perfect, Honey, I’ll let your dad know so he can send you a paycheck.”

“Sweet....hey Mom? We’re out of popcorn.”


Memarie Lane said...

Tell her she's going to have to wait in line for that job.

Mrs. Schmitty said...

What a thinker that girl is, you really can't knock her ingenuity.

Mrs. R said...

At least she's got aspirations. Maybe she can hire herself out as a movie critic consultant to others in the neighborhood who might be interested in such a service.

Random Chick said...

I want that job. Eat popcorn all day and watch a bazillion Oh wait. I'm a parent too. I've got like 12 more years until I have this conversation with my own spawnette. Thanks for the tips...take them on a vacation and tell them to get a job. Check.

the mama bird diaries said...

Your daughter is hilarious... without meaning to be of course! Love it.

Quickroute said...

She is my hero!

Bonnie said...

I would love to hear from Spawnette how that works out for her. Good luck to you. I wish my kids were old enough to get jobs. Who made those child labor laws anyway? They obviously didn't have kids.

Magpie said...

she is ... enterprising.

WA said...

Please have her review "Gandhi" & send me her word for word critique. Please. I'll pay you.

disa said...