Monday, June 30, 2008

Thank You For Flying With Us

Those of you that have been lurking here for a while know that I recently started riding the bus. This morning the bus was running late so Dave (he’s our regular driver) allowed me and fellow bus stop loiterer Betty to hop on the bus and ride for free. But, because he was running late, Dave didn’t give Betty and I much time to grab a seat and make ourselves comfortable for the twenty minute ride before he took off like Tony Stewart at the Daytona 500 toward the next stop just two blocks down the street. My computer bag went rolling down the isle and I had to grab one of the poles to keep from following in its wake. I sat down in the last seat available which just happened to be across from the driver. I had a full view of the road ahead. This would NOT have been my choice of seats had I know the way Dave drove when the bus was four minutes behind schedule. I said good morning to the regulars, asked after their weekends, and Dave turned….he TURNED to ask how my weekend was. Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, did he not see that Beemer he just about tagged when he hooked a right onto one of our famous one-way streets?!?! Two older, fluffy ladies across the isle from me actually screamed as the turn was made for fear of falling out of their seats. They yelled at Dave to take the turns a bit slower as the bus was already leaning and all of the fat people were on the leaning side. They were afraid the bus was going to tip over at the speeds he was taking the turns and had already berated him for taking the corners on two wheels. I glanced to make sure it wasn’t Sandra Bullock driving the bus with the need to maintain the mph above 50 to keep the bus from exploding. I glanced again just to make sure. Damn, it wasn’t her; I was hoping Keanu would land in my lap.

The next turn Dave made was even better, he didn’t slow down and when the driver of that little gold Honda Accord caught a glimpse of the bus heading straight for the front of his car he threw the car into reverse and squealed out of Dave’s way. The bus came to a screeching halt at a light and I took a moment to thank myself for bringing my umbrella with me as I used it to support myself and keep from tumbling forward and right out the front window of the bus. Only two more turns and we would be downtown at the terminal. I don’t have to switch buses but we sit and take new passengers on that have transferred from other routes. I was pretty sure we would make it there without incident. One more light….and then I saw him. A transient in front of the Greyhound Bus station. At the light. WAITING TO CROSS THE ROAD. He saw us barreling toward him but thought nothing of it as pedestrians have the right of way. Well not in THIS town Mister! Thank goodness he glanced up again and realized the light had turned green and Dave wasn’t slowing down. This gave Mr. Homeless man time to Scooby-Doo it back to the curb just a hairbreadth away from certain death.

Another screeching halt brought us to the downtown terminal with about thirty seconds to spare. We’d made it alive with not one injury amongst us. Transfers got off and on and before long we were back on the road for the second half of the trip. This half was uneventful as Dave had made up for the lost time on the first half of the run. A few of us were discussing fun things we had done this weekend, books we were reading, how much rain fell, the usual. (It’s a very chatty group we have on the first bus of the day.) After ten more minutes of recuperating from the hair-raising first half of the ride, my final destination was reached and I was ready to disembark. A fellow rider thanked Dave for the exciting ride, I stated it was the most excitement I’d had all year and Dave swiveled in his seat, turned to me and said “You need excitement? I’ll take you out to dinner.” Yup, this morning, before I had my daily allowance of coffee, I was propositioned by the bus driver.

So how was YOUR morning?

19 comments:

LceeL said...

Well, I'm still kinda in the middle of my morning, but so far so good. A long time ago ( a LONG time ago) I used to drive a bus, just like Dave. I was a good driver. And I never, never, never made my passengers feel afraid while on my bus. I drove fast. I stayed on schedule (for the most part). But you CAN drive fast without making your passengers feel like they've just ridden a qualifying run for the Indy 500. Bad Dave. Bad Boy. Slap your fingers. And your lead foot. And leave my Queen Goob alone.

Memarie Lane said...

"all of the fat people were on the leaning side"

LOL!

Anonymous said...

I think for the safety of everyone on the bus you need to sit in the back. You are obviously a distraction to Driver Dave. With his less than stellar driving skills you can't afford to have him turning around to get a looksie at the queen.

Heather said...

OMG you had me ROFLMAO!!! I'm sorry I missed that ride, as I am a former race car driver (well, illegal racing in high school, but that's beside the point). I'm constantly pushin my van to the limit on exit ramps!

I heard Dave was really late one day last week too...must be the summer heat!

Bonnie the Boss said...

Scooby-dood it out of the way! I love that word. I may have to find a way to use it. So discriptive!

PracticallyJoe said...

I'm most intrigued by the bus driver’s proposition … First the free fare … next an affair? I’m staying tuned!

Alice said...

Oh gah - propositioned by the bus driver?!!? LOL!

I had to take the city bus to high school (there were no school buses) and there were lots of good times. Like the time Rae Mack through some maxi pads around the back...ahhh...

Bee said...

You are so lucky! I haven't taken the bus in years and I miss the heart pounding excitement and being hit on by weirdos.
So jealous. ;o)

Brian o Vretanos said...

I was in a bus yesterday which was running in place of a train to the airport (due to Sunday maintenance work on the rails). The bus driver got totally lost - we twigged the second time he went all the way round a roundabout (circle in US) and back the way he'd just come. Eventually he asked if anyone knew how to get to whatever station it was he was trying to find... I'm glad I took the earlier "train", so I didn't miss my flight...

My morning wasn't so bad - I got to walk to work, so only had myself to blame when I got lost.

Random Chick said...

Whoa! My morning wasn't nearly as exciting as yours!! So did the bus driver look like Keanu Reeves? Did you take him up on his offer for an "exicting dinner?" Can you imagine what that must mean? OMG!

LOL!!

catscratch diva said...

I would have surely pissed my pants.

Quickroute said...

Free rides from now on?

Attila The Mom said...

Wonder what he would have done if you'da flashed him. LOL

Mrs. R said...

LOL--I loved this post.

I walked out of my house Friday to be greeted by a flat tire. Which wouldn't have been so bad for some people, except I don't know how to change a flat tire, the insurance didn't add road side assistance like we thought they did years ago when we bought the car, we don't have AAA, it was raining, and we don't have a full sized spare.

Robyn said...

Well, dang, girl. You got skills. It isn't everyone who can seduce a bus driver.

Jess said...

Not NEAR as good as yours! That is hilarious! I wouldn't even NEED coffee after a ride like that!

Queen Goob said...

LceeL – I sat in the back today so he left the Queen alone.

Memarie – even funnier was that they pointed it out…out loud!

Anonymous – Don’t make me set you up with Driver Dave….I know where you live!

Heather – One of these days I’ll post a picture of me drag racing. We’ll swap stories! By the way, did you write yourself a ticket or was that “before”?

Bonnie – If the windows had been open we would have heard the sound effect, too!

PJ – An affair is SO not in Driver Dave’s cards.

Alice – The proposition would have been great if it had been Keanu doing the propositioning…..it wasn’t.

Bee – Come on, I’ll introduce you around!

Brian – I hate it when I lose myself…LOL

RC – YOU’RE BACK!!! I missed you! Hope you had a good time at D
Land. No he most definitely did NOT look like Keanu; maybe the little chubby elf that comes in at night to clean his house but not definitely not Keanu.

Diva – More of a poo thing, really.

Attila – His that transient, most likely.

Mrs. R. – Was that you that got on a Lafayette Park? You should have come and sat with me! Bet Driver Dave would have changed your tire.

Robyn – It’s all about the hair flip; you gotta have long hair.

Jess – No coffee needed, just an extra pair of underwear!

Megan said...

This could be a really funny episode of "Old Christine" --

Please don't take that the wrong way...

Mary Witzl said...

I'd take your morning. I cleaned up a dead bird, courtesy of my cat, and pulled my laundry off the line twice after it started raining. A bus driver giving me the eye would be quite refreshing.