Thursday, June 12, 2008

What The ƒü¢k???

WARNING: This post contains graphic language; parental discretion is advised.


This morning I awakened earlier than usual. I shat, showered, and shaved, got ready for work, and left the house by 6:30. Coffee in hand and my
everything fits in this bag because it’s really, really big” orange leather tote tossed over my shoulder, I headed out for a block and a half walk to the 80X express bus stop.

I drive an SUV that gets fourteen to sixteen miles to the gallon in town. There is a bus stop right around the corner from my house that goes directly to my work. I only live about seven miles from work as the crow flies but it’s a good thirty minute drive to get there each morning. The bus schedule indicates that from “my” bus stop to work it is a forty minute ride from start to finish. This is cool and I would still get to the office by 7:30 and not have to stay any later than usual.

So there I stood….on a busy six-lane road….in a bright red Hawaiian shirt so the bus driver wouldn’t miss me….and that MOTHER FUCKER DROVE RIGHT BY MY ASS! The mother fucker I KNOW saw me standing on Thomasville Road between the ABC Liquor store and the traffic court building. What the FUCK did he think???? That I was a piece of shit drunk waiting for the fuckin’ traffic court building to open so that I wouldn’t miss my hearing???? I – WAS – WEARING – THIS! AND…..the asshole WAS LATE! I got there early, stood on the street like a discount prostitute just tryin’ to score one more john so my pimp, Daddy MacTastic Dazzle wouldn't beat my ass to a bloody pulp. I’ve never ridden public transportation in this town before and the
MOTHER FUCKER DROVE RIGHT BY MY ASS!

So I walked back to the house, grab the keys out of my “everything fits in this bag because it’s really, really big” orange leather tote, hopped into my own personal mini-public transportation microbus, pull out of the driveway, and headed to work.

At least I got to pop back into the house and get a coffee refill.

14 comments:

Memarie Lane said...

Maybe you were dressed too well. At least in my bus riding experience, the uniform is a gray hoodie, jeans, sneakers, and a cheap walkman. He probably thought you were too posh to be waiting for him.

Mrs. R said...

LOL at Memarie Lane's comment, because based on my experience, it's too true.

I looked into taking the bus to work when gas hit $4 a gallon. I live 20 minutes max from the office, and it's a straight shot down one highway. The only available bus route took me into downtown Minneapolis, then to the Mall of America where I could then catch a local bus to the suburb where I work. It would be about 15 miles out of my way, and the total estimated time? Two hours, 15 minutes.

Gas is going to have to hit $20 a gallon before I take the bus to work.

You could always start your own bus service with the mini-bus/SUV. If you can't save money on gas, maybe you can make some...

Alice said...

You should call that in - I would be livid.

LceeL said...

As a once and former bus driver (in another life, it seems like) I can tell you that you should call it in. CALL IT IN! That driver has a responsibility he needs to be reminded of. CALL IT IN.

Quickroute said...

Why is it that some bus drivers are like some security guards with 'GOD Complex'. Wankers!

whatigotsofar said...

There's a reason most people continue to drive to work everyday regardless of pollution or ever increasing cost of fuel. Buses suck. Always have. Always will.

Queen Goob said...

UPDATE:

I called it in, I called it in! And this really nice guy named Bill at the StarMetro office was not only pleasant during my complaint, but he was also extremely helpful in letting me know that I WAS STANDING IN THE WRONG PLACE BECAUSE THE MAP PUBLISHED ONLINE IS WRONG!!!!!

Isn't that awesome?!?!?!

Quickroute said...

Well at least the bus driver wasn't being a complete dick after all!

Megan said...

Not quite as bad but equally annoying is when you pull the damned chain and/or push the damned button and yet the driver, in all his/her wisdom, ignores your stop and drives on another quarter mile to the next one.

At least you got more coffee out of it.

Heather said...

You should write another post about your experience today. :)

Suzanne said...

Well honey, you know I'm supposed to be taking a break from blogging, but you commented a few post back and I want to thank you. So, THANK YOU!!! I read this post and couldn't stop laughing. It's the first I've read. I'm going to have to read more. Dr. P. is not going to approve, but I'll try to slip this one under the radar.

As you know I totalled the BMW. We just bought a Mercedes, but don't be impressed because Beemers and Mercedes are a dime a dozen in CA and you can get them for an amazing price used. I needed gas the other day on the way to feed the ferals and paid $4.49 per gal for the privilege. For the cheap crap. I arrived home to learn from my hubby I'd made a terrible mistake...it says right on the car "PREMIUM GAS ONLY." I didn't see that. Premium is about $5.00 here. Good Lord! I may have to buy a Hawaiian shirt and start flagging down the bus for that 25 mile trip to feed the ferals! That should take my whole day? Right?

XO

the mama bird diaries said...

Thank god you got that coffee refill. :)

catscratch diva said...

Oh girl. I'd stand out there with water balloons and peg 'em next time. He won't fail to notice you then, will he???

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