Thursday, June 26, 2008

What A Drag

No, Spawn has not taken to purchasing sequined gowns, stilettos, and really big wigs. In fact Spawn hasn’t been home in almost a month. Spawnette has been gone this week as well and to top it off, my mom left for ten days and my longtime boyfriend decided he could no longer do the long distance relationship thing. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve enjoyed the slovenly lifestyle I’ve been living this week. I come home from work, throw on shorts and a T-shirt, and have Cap’n Crunch for dinner if I want to. The TV stays off and there is always a book or twenty-seven to keep me occupied for the quiet evenings at home. Coop is with me…..wherever I go…..following, following, always there…..and he’s great company. Never demanding (unless his food bowl is empty); always with a kiss on the end of his tongue. But I must say that without my mother, the spawn, and the Man around providing me with inspiration and awkward situations to write about I’ve come to the realization what a big bore I am.

I. Am. Boring.

I have yet to do something to make myself giggle. I don’t roll my eyes at myself. I don’t tell myself I’m gonna take my phone away if I don’t start talking to me in a better tone of voice. I don’t complain about what’s for dinner and stomp my foot in a fit of anger because something on the plate is green. I don’t make excuses to avoid doing the dishes and I actually brush my teeth and go to bed when I’m supposed to without being told fourteen times that it’s way past my bedtime.

I. Am. Boring.

I need a hobby. A hobby that takes me out of the house. Out of the house in something other than cargo shorts, Vans, and a T-shirt advertising Guinness. Something that does not take place at the retirement center six blocks from the house. (Although those velvet paint-by-number classes look fun; everyone needs a velvet Elvis!) I enjoy photography but haven’t had the opportunity to hone my skills lately. SHIT…that huge glob of mendacity just disgorged itself from my lips, didn’t it? That is what my father, in his all-encompassing wisdom would have called “an excuse”.
G-R-E-AAAAAA-T. I hate it when I’m right. I hate it when those light bulb moments take place illuminating my self-deception.

I. Am. Not. Boring.

I. Am. Lazy.

18 comments:

Memarie Lane said...

I guess stamp collecting is out then, eh?

You could always take up bagpiping!

Mrs. R said...

Life is so often just plain uneventful, I say enjoy it and revel in it while you can.

If you really want to add more excitement though, you could always try Peanut Butter Cap'n Crunch...

slackermommy said...

My first time here and I'm not at all bored. You funny.

Alice said...

I've got that lazy thing going on too. It's even stronger than my will to eat crap food if that's possible. I know this because at college, I would rather go hungry than have to walk ALLL the way to the cafeteria some days.

PS. I don't find you boring at all. I love your posts!

LceeL said...

My dear and lovely Queen, Get Up! Get Out! Do Something! Take pictures. Replace the boyfriend. Paint something. Recharge. Don't READ a book - WRITE one. today - TODAY !! is the FIRST day of the rest of your life. Make it count for something.

And if not, kick back and have a Guinness for me.

Bee said...

If it weren't for having to feed my husband, I'd live on cereal. Although, I am lactose intolerant so it might be a short life.

Bee said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bee said...

Yeah, I pushed the publish button twice...

Quickroute said...

I'm the King of Laziness. Get out for a walk, bring a camera and clear your head - you will be fine!

You say that like its a BAD thing... said...

You are NOT boring! I've known you for what 5, 6 years? I LOVE my QueenGoob! You ROCK! You've kept me sane for the last 5 years! You tell mw when I'm stupid and being a dumb ass and you don't care that it hurts my feeling (ok, you haven't called me a dumb ass to my face - but you get the idea).

You're right - HE needs to put on his big girl panties and get over it and make you happy again or not - if not, he's not very smart.

i LOVE you! my KIDS love you! my hubby...well, he just wants to see you naked (he knows i helped you pick out that 'outfit')! If you ever need someone to man bash - oh, you KNOW where to find me!

catscratch diva said...

I like the boring and lazy times.

And I love it when all of those people get out of my house and I have it all to myself.

I'm a real prize winner, huh?

Queen Goob said...

Memarie – Funny you should suggest bagpipes; I’ve always wanted to learn.

Mrs. R – I’d acute angina were I to be so bold as to try the PB Crunch.

Slackermommy – Thanks for stopping by, we hope to see you again real soon!

Alice – Yo….tru dat. I keeps the chew comin’ in, I’s gonna need a Chicago overcoat to fill da hole. (p.s. yours too!)

LceeL – I’ll grab that Guinness in your honor……

Bee – I’m soy intolerant….wanna throw down? Bet I’d win! And I did the double comment thing today, too.

Quickie – I’m going out this weekend with my camera, hope I get a few good ones.

Chandelier – I love you too!

Diva – I’m sharing the couch right there with you holding the baseball bat I used to kick the bastards out!

The Intracerebral Itinerary said...

There's always time to take pictures. I've taken hundreds of pictures just of my feet, about 80 of dandelions, other weeds, or whatever else. It's all about perspective- something you obviously already have. ;)

Mrs. Schmitty said...

I could use a little boring right about now. Let's make a deal...I'll send you Mr. Schmitty, the Schmitty kids, and Ruby, and I'll entertain my boring self? K?

the mama bird diaries said...

You are not in the least bit boring. You are funny and fabulous.

Manager Mom said...

Sorry you are feelin' in a funk. But your "slovenly lifestyle" sounds absolutely delightful. Can i move in for a few days? Or just save me a bowl of Capn Crunch?

Queen Goob said...

TII – I agree – my problem is making the time….I know, it should be all about me.

Mrs. Schmitty – Can I get back to you on that?

Mama – Back attcha, Babe!

Manager Mom – I quickly got over the guilt factor when I realized I only had another day before my son returned home. And I saved you a bowl of CC!

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