Tuesday, June 24, 2008

All In The Family…..Again

If you’ve been here a while, you’ll remember my story of the family birthday celebration for Spawn and Spawnette in which members of the group thought nothing of bringing with them to the party various types of livestock. This story is even funnier.

Saturday afternoon the EX, our spawn, and most of his family gathered at the home of his parents for an informal get-together/cookout. As we sat around sharing fun stories of our summer escapades so far, I found myself leaning in to hear a particularly funny story being told by the youngest cousin of the group. I’ll do my best to relay that story in all of its splendor and glory.

She began:

“So Husband and I had packed up the boys and headed out to Port St. Joe for Memorial Day weekend. We had to find a place that took not only deviant children but dogs as well cuz we wanted to take them to the beach with us. We found a real nice place that the boys and I enjoyed where fishin’ and the beach were right handy. I thought it was great but Husband said there were too many rednecks around us apparent from their wife-beaters, cans of beer, and fat tattooed women in bikinis.

“After a relaxing weekend we arrived home Sunday afternoon with plenty of daylight for me to go take care of the horses. I headed straight for the barn as Husband and the boys unpacked the car. Small deviant went into the house and came running back yelling to his dad at the top of his lungs”,

“Dad, the dogs pooped in the house while we was gone!”

“Son,” he replied “we had the dogs with us so they couldn’t have pooped in the house.”

“They must have just done’d it cause there’s poop in the house, dad.”

As husband walked into the house he was slammed with the over powering stench of animal waste. “What the……” he yelled as he glanced toward the back of the house and noticed the back door was wide open. Walking further in he sees hoof prints of horse shit that have been tracked throughout the entire house. Apparently, their miniature horse spent the weekend hanging out in the house while the family was out of town. He was a big fan of the living room and spent most of his time there but did take a moment here and there to explore the rest of the house……every single room of the rest of the house…..the house that is currently on the market…….and is open to be shown at any given time. Yup, the horse had a great time and being the kind and courteous little guy that his is, even stayed off the couch because he knows he’s not allowed on the furniture.

And don’t forget, what is the first thing that horse manure attracts? Yup, on top of a house full of horse poop, they had an invasion of flies similar to the African locust swarm of 1986. What a fabulous way to spend the evening of your first day back from a weekend at the beach.

Gosh, and I thought I had it bad spending a weekend trying to keep my dog from peeing in the herb garden I just planted.

13 comments:

Memarie Lane said...

Yikes! I actually thought the beginning was the best part though. :P

catscratch diva said...

Bwaaahahahahahaha. Now that makes my bad day feel a little less shitty.

LceeL said...

Nothing like a little livestock story to brighten one's day.

Heather said...

That was just. Freakin'. Hilarious!!! ROFLMAO on that one. Was the house really up for sale? OMG, how awful for them!

Random Chick said...

Did they get any offers on the house? LOL!

BTW, I tagged you on my blog. Have fun!

Queen Goob said...

Memarie – I think all livestock stories are funny; kinda like bodily functions. It’s all good!

Diva – I guess it’s a southern thing to include the farm animals in all of the family functions……

LceeL – TRU DAT!

Heather – Not only is the house really up for sale, the cousin/mom of the story is the realtor! She spent almost 24 hours steam cleaning the carpeting.

RC - ……not yet! And yeah, I’m working on my meme so look for it tomorrow!

Quickroute said...

It's cruel to laugh at this right? - Sorry I can't help it - LOL
There's a nasty trick I heard of by rather sick young burglars. they take a dump in the living room just for kicks. This brings it a step further however!

Bonnie the Boss said...

Oh, my hell! I would have just died right there on the spot! That is funny and yet traumatic at the same time.

Kelley said...

Boo has been pissing all over the house. But man, that beats my story by a hundred.

Vacation, fat tattooed rednecks, miniature horse and poop.

Perfect.

PracticallyJoe said...

I guess it could have been worse ... had mini-horse invited over his neighhhhhh-bors!

Mrs. R said...

Best. Animal. Poo. Story. Ever.

Attila The Mom said...

OMG! Hahahahahaha!

Alice said...

That is one of the best stories I've heard. I believe that if that happened to me, I'd have a good cry, a few beers and start pulling up carpet.