Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Oiy, The Drama

I know, I’ve neglected some of my loyal readers all three of them as I haven’t posted for almost an entire week. A whole week bereft of my sarcasm, my humor, and my biting wit. I’ve been dealing with that proverbial “laundry” that needed airing out but is now neatly folded and tucked safely back into the closet. I could always blog about that but come on, do you really want me to bitch, rant, and rave about a failed relationship? I didn’t think so.

Not much to report on in my neck of the woods as the spawn have both been gone and I have been lazing around the homestead for the most part. I did some reading and some cleaning (as you all know) but nothing other than sparing with my former Man and addressing issues at hand which I know would humour you but I would feel guilty about sharing. OH WAIT!!!! OMG, so as ya’ll know I spent what felt like DAYS cleaning the house. While in my son’s room scraping away layer upon layer of dust and grime, I turned to empty the hated Florida Gator garbage can and do you know what I found? Evidence he did not even bother to hide from my prying parental eyes? Two empty beer bottles. (You were waiting to read condoms, weren’t you? I’ve already run that marathon so no news there. Remind me to tell you all about the heart-to-heart we, or rather I had about sex and sexually transmitted diseases. Spawn. Was. Mortified.) So anywho, I found these two beers in Spawns garbage can. Not only were they not hidden but those were two of MY beers. MY BEERS! That little bastard went into my stash of Bud Lite that I keep in the vegetable crisper, (because really, who keeps vegetables in their refrigerator’s crisper anymore?) snagged two beers, and drank them both. I wrote a short note and taped it to one of the bottles that said “WHAT THE HELL?!?” and waited to see how long it would take him to see the 4x4 bright green note hanging over the edge of the gator’s head painted on the garbage can. Nothing, that little worm said not one word to me. You know why? HE DIDN’T SEE THE NOTE! In fact, the note I had written and left for him Saturday is still there! I had to bring up the subject and go through the whole “this is unacceptable”, “you’re throwing your life into the gutter”, and “you’re going down the path your father chose, is this where you want to wind up” conversation and he acted like it was not big deal. NO BIG DEAL!

So what do I do? Should I leave it alone, just count my beer bottles, and not worry about it until he does it again (because we all know he will - he’s sixteen). I’d kinda feel like a hypocrite if I continue harping about this to him, you know? Because come on, raaaaise your hand if you hijacked some beer or liquor from your parents when you were a teenager. Yup, just as I thought; every single one of you has your hand raised. Okay, how many of you had smoked a hog-leg or two of skunk weed by the time you were sixteen? I see that a few hands have gone down, including my sister’s, but I still see quite a few raised. So what do I do? Help me out guys, I’m floundering and that’s not a swimming stroke I’m comfortable with. What? Only two of my readers have teenagers and those kids are straight A students who have never traveled the wrong side of the law? None of those cute little kindergartners have ever stolen a beer or smoked some weed? None? Not even the ones that live in California?!?!?!

CRAP!!!! I’m doomed to a life of eternal lecturing, aren’t I? I hate lectures. I’d much prefer condemning him to a short stay in an iron maiden than lecture him. You guys got any good lines I could throw in as a good moral to my lesson? No? Ooooooh, you want to hear more about the sex talk instead, don’t you? Alrighty then, your wish is my command.



(to be continued)

(Don't you hate those words? Right when you're getting into a story or movie and you KNOW you've figured out the plot, those evil little words pop up outta nowhere ruining your entire day.)

BASTARDS!

20 comments:

LceeL said...

When I found that my two older sones were finding their way into my liquor cabinet (18 and 16) I said "Fine. If you want to drink, I can't stop you, but here are the rules. You drink with me. Not alone. If you and I are drinking, don't plan on going out anywhere. Period. And under no circumstances do you bring any friends home to drink. Do not drink outside the house. If your friend is drinking, and he's driving, walk home or call me. A violation of any of these rules means every drop of liquor disappears from this house and at the very least, you'll be grounded."
It worked, I think.

Bee said...

Hmmmmm the whole “do as I say, not as I did/do” is quite a conundrum…
Too bad I never had kids (not really) because I would have been able to say “I never had booze or pot before my 21st birthday!”
I would never mention the boy issue though. ;o)

Bee ♥s XYZ forever!

Diva said...

My kids are sneaky, or so they think. They're not bad kids. Just brain damaged and interested in causing trouble.

They will, one day, grow out of all the sneaky sneaky.

Don't worry about lecturing. I'm a pro at it. They just ignore it and go on.

Jess said...

Reader number 4 checking in to comment...

I, myself, never stole any liquor or beer from my parental units...perhaps because there wasn't any to steal. I feel certain there was beer around, but I had not grown fond of the substance as I am now.

Didn't smoke weed until I was out of the house...around 18 or so.

I have often wondered how I am going to react later in life when faced with these things.

I think it may be unfair to compare him to his father, as we all hate to be compared to people because even though we may share a commonality with whomever they are comparing us to, we are not them.

Would it be too much to lock up your beer in a special beer fridge?

Perhaps you should just lecture once (as already done) and regularly encourage good decision making.

Shit. Now I want a beer.

Random Chick said...

Okay, I see two infractions here: first the taking of your beer without asking (essentially stealing). Second drinking at 16.

The first infraction, in my humble opinion, is the worst because he was being dishonest. I think you should harp on that one the hardest and say something like, "Would you like it if I stole your (insert valuable teenage boy thing here) without asking? I expect you to treat me and my things with respect. Next time that happens, I'll have to (insert reasonable punishment here)."

On to the second infraction, you CAN'T stop him from drinking, but you CAN talk about it. You can tell him it is against the law and he'll have to deal with the consquences of his choices if he gets caught drinking. A RULE THAT SHALL NEVER BE BROKEN OR DEATH WILL ENSUE (either by your wrath or by the other and we don't want that to happen) is driving while drinking! Set some reasonable rules for his "drinking" you both can live with. TALK to him don't LECTURE him. I know it's probably really hard talking to a teenage boy because they are from another planet and speak an entirely different language (and I'll get to see this first hand in about 10 years, yippie) but you can do it!

Can't wait to hear the story about the sex talk! This is gonna be good!!!

Alice said...

I got nothing for you gal. My kids are still young and I was way too good in high school to compare notes.

But I guess I'd rather find a couple beer bottles than the Unabomber's Manifesto.

Heather said...

Although my boys are still very young, my plan is much the same as LceeL's - you can drink in our home, without friends (with me/your dad/your brother if you want but not alone). I'd prefer to know about it than have to scrape you up off a roadside somewhere (but let's face it; driving drunk usually means you kill someone ELSE...). My parents did that with me and it worked great (for the most part). Although, I didn't really start drinking until after high school. I think the best approach is to say you'd prefer that he not do it, but if he's going to drink outside your house, he should call you for a ride and you promise to talk about it later (whatever that contract thingie used to say).

Memarie Lane said...

It might also help if he knew that YOU could get in trouble with the law if he drinks. He may not think much about consequences to him, or see very far ahead, but if he realizes it can effect YOU in a very bad way he might rethink the way he does things.

Megan said...

My first reaction is "Only two? Don't even sweat it!" but that's not very constructive, is it?

My spawn is only 14 and not yet interested in alcohol, as far as I can tell. I'm more worried right now about his loner tendencies (see Alice's comment).

I like Memarie's advice a lot.

Suze said...

Well, I have a sixteen year old too, and so far, we haven't had to deal with this. I do think however, that taking the 'illicitness' out of the situation defuses it somewhat.
I think I'll print off everyones comments just in case though!
Good luck QG!

just bob said...

If I had taken any of my mom's Miller Lite before I was 21 I wouldn't be here today. After that, if the beer counter was a few too short I was expected to chip in a $1 a bottle. My mom was/is soooooo cool.

the mama bird diaries said...

You are hilarious.

I can't believe my kid will be stealing my alcohol some day. :)

Quickroute said...

I recommend a liberal approach - let them drink at home as they'll just do it somewhere else but they can't rob your stash - that's just damn WRONG!

Attila The Mom said...

It really doesn't matter what you did at that age. LOL There are simply two issues to address. Drinking at his age is against the law and stealing is wrong.

I'm quite comfortable wearing hypocrite shoes when dealing with my kids. ;-)

Queen Goob said...

I'm going to thank everyone at the same time because you guys ARE THE BEST! It's so awesome to receive such great advice from so many people whose opinions I truly value.

Spawn and I have actually had conversations about drinking and driving and all of that so he knows where I stand when it comes to drinking away from the house vs. at the house. And yes, I'm one of those moms that know my kid is going to drink whether I say he can or not so if he REALLY feels he wants a drink it will be at the house and on a special occasion BUT none of his friends will be permitted as that is a legal tightrope I will not walk.

I posted today about the actual conversation Spawn and I had when I found the beer; I hope you get a chance to see how we really communicate at our house.

HUGS!!!
QB

Mrs. R said...

Okay, so I'm a day late and a dollar short, seeing as I didn't have any advice for you anyway because Hubby and I haven't spawned yet, but some of the other comments were really good and I'm glad everything worked out.

Growler said...

Make this reader #5...funny stuff. Hope you don't mind if I link you on my blog =)

Well, I live in California, and like one of the commenters above didn't have booze to snake. So I had to mooch whatever Bartles and James that was leftover from the stash my friend would steal from her folks. Unfortunately I can't help you since I have no offpsring and in my adulthood feel booze stealing is punishable by death. But I do know how you feel as a consumer. My roommate and her boyfriend used to down all sorts of my loot, and she's lucky I didn't poison her for it.

Queen Goob said...

Hey Growler - I remember you, you and I share a secret boyfriend, Mr. Darcy. (I remember your mosaic).

Glad to see you and come on back anytime!

Jezebel said...

I don't think I can give you an answer as I was one of those 'tested the waters' before I was 16. I think your addressing it with him was fine, you put it out there instead of blowing it off as someone who was just curious. I think he knows now he's not gonna' let it go but you just need to stay on top of it especially with someone who's of driving age. I guess the only possible solution is not to keep beer in the house which certainly wouldn't be fair for a responsible adult like yourself who wants the occasional drink but I guess you'll just have to cross that bridge if/when you come to it.

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