Thursday, July 24, 2008

Merlee Odell Goes Shopping

This past weekend Merlee Odell had a date. Yup, my girl was venturing out into the scary world of dating after divorce. She hadn’t been on a date for probably twenty-five years so in order to best prepare herself for this frightening adventure she figured a bit of retail therapy was in order. She asked if I would be willing to assist her in shopping for a new outfit for the date. Me. ME!!! I’m like the WMD of fashion. A Waredrobe Malfunction Disaster waiting to happen. I shop in the boys section of Target because the cargo shorts not only fit better but they’re cheaper than those in the woman’s section. If I could, I would wear my navy blue Van’s or sandals with every outfit I own. I think a baseball cap with my hair pulled through the closure at the back is equivalent to an elegant chignon or French twist. And my girl wants me to go shopping with her. I do have an eye for color so what the hell, I said I'd go with her.

Friday night Merlee comes to the house with a twelve pack of beer, an over-night bag, and her best pair of pajamas. To set the mood for shopping, we had a girl’s night filled with beer, snacks, chick flicks, and lots of laughter. Merlee and I didn’t stay up as late as Spawnette because we knew we’d need our strength for the shopping excursion planned for the morning. After watching Under The Tuscan Sun, Merlee and I hit the sheets. I shared my bed with a cover-stealing cuddler. Okay…….I’m a cuddler too but for those that were going to ask, no, we didn’t take pictures.

I arose at 6:30 a.m., started a pot of coffee, walked through the house to Purgatory (that’s where Spawn and Spawnette reside) to awaken Spawnette and get her ready for a morning of golf with the guys. I reached down and gently brush her arm and she whips around, stares me unblinkingly in the eyes and says – I’m not kidding hereFOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHAT DO YOU WANT!?!?! I returned to the kitchen and made sure the coffee was ready because it seemed she was going to need a jumbo cup of Seattle’s Best.

After shoving her out the door and into her father’s care, Merlee and I refilled our cups, sat on the back porch and planned out our day. Kohl’s followed by Governor’s Square Mall, Marshall’s, and PETCO (Merlee was not looking for an outfit there; I was babysitting my neighbor’s pets and ran out of food for the moulting canary.)

For those that love shopping I’m sure it sounds like the perfect day for you. I’m not one of those individuals. Remember how I make it through holiday shopping?

Lucky for us, our first stop, though long, was a great success! Merlee found a lovely blouse, I found some great halter top dresses, and we got out of there before dark. Here's Merlee grabbing some things to try on at Kohl's:

OH!!! And this is the spider we saw crawling up the wall of the store right above the jewelry. That bastard was literally the size of my face!!! We decided to forgo the jewelry for shoes.

We hit Marshall’s “just in case” and I lucked across a fabulous coverlet for my bed. Hi, my name is Marnie and I’m a bedding whore; Hi Marnie! Crossing the street we parked at PETCO for a quick “run in and grab what you need” stop. This is where I ran into difficulties. As most of you have experienced, PETCO, PetSmart, and most retail pet supply stores have adoption booths set up on Saturdays. We, of course, were shopping on a Saturday. The booth at PETCO was set up RIGHT inside the front door so this is what I walked in to:

After sitting on the floor of the store for thirty minutes with that gorgeous guy named Tiger in my lap I quickly grabbed the bird food I originally came for and RAN from the store. I. Was. This. Close. To. Adopting. A. Puppy.

Merlee and I vaulted into the SUV and I drove us back to the house in twenty-seven seconds flat. She grabbed her duffle and headed for home so that she could nap and SSS before her date. I guess the date went well because the guy called her back and asked her out again.

She’s much braver than I. I’ve given up the dating scene but DAMN that guy “Tiger” from PETCO was cute; I may have to see if he’s still available and wants to come home with me.

I’m such a slut.


just bob said...

I can't dress myself either. I'm like you in that I wear what's comfortable, not what's stylish.

Memarie Lane said...

That is definitely me pre-coffee.

I would love to dress more stylishly, but that requires a much higher budget than mine.

catscratch said...

I'm a pantie, bra and sock whore. Sure I have my fair share of purses, but it's not where my heart is.

I would have shit and run fast from that spider. Jeeez.

Wendy said...

pet adoption days are SO dangerous! I can relate!

Alice said...

You and I must be dressing alike. My clothes are pure comfort and I just can't understand these bloggers who go on about Manolo's. I have sneakers, flip-flops and I'll crack out some Mary-Janes if there's a wedding. The End. Plus..that's money that I could be putting in a slot machine.

Cecile said...

Some Mary Jane for a wedding sounds good, but I bet you were talking about a different MaryJane. I don't know much about shoes. I have two pairs of clogs, a pair of New Balance to wear to work, a pair to wear at home, some sandles, and two pair of dress shoes for those "Special" Occasions. Sometimes, I try like hell to pass the sandles off as dress shoes, and it works. I like to go for comfort too. And the dog. God he's beautiful. I Love Pit Bulls. My Javie Dog is a pit, and my Apollo dog is a shetland pony. Actually he's an Anitolian Shepard, but he as big as a pony.

Quickroute said...

Tip: It's what yer not wearing most us men are interested in!

Mrs. R said...

That spider was disgusting. I would have dropped whatever I was holding mid-aisle and fled from the store in terror.

And shopping used to be so much more fun when I actually had a waistline.

Practically Joe said...

This may turn into a life changing day! Sounds like the both of you may have a new guy entering into your lives ... Thanks Kohls ... Thanks PETCO

Ivanna Takurpicture said...

Those adoption services kill me! Why do you think I have 3 cats and a dog?! I am a total sucker! If I had a bigger property with a fenced-in yard, I would have tens of thousands of animals! And my kids are useless too! When I'm with them, I cave!

I understand about the dating thing. I tried for awhile and I have zero interest at this point in my life. My kids ask periodically but I keep telling them I have no interest in dating men OR women! For now, I prefer sharing my bed with my 3 cats and dog!

Anonymous said...